PortalHomeGalleryFAQSearchMemberlistUsergroupsRegisterLog in
Log in
Username:
Password:
Log in automatically: 
:: I forgot my password
Poll
Is the phrase "Once upon a time..."
Overused
33%
 33% [ 1 ]
Underused
67%
 67% [ 2 ]
Total Votes : 3
Monthly Writing Prompt
For this month's writing prompt write a scene using the following sentence to start;

The streets were deserted. Where was everyone? Where had they all gone?

Writing Tip
Our monthly writing tips are written by our very own TerishD. You can read more in Terish's Blog located in "The Abstractions" area of the forum.

Look Back

When not able to write ahead, it helps to look back. In my case I had written a paragraph ahead of the story. What I needed to do was add a section of exposition (talking) presenting some facts. In going back, I realized that I could insert a section where a 'tour' of the surroundings could be done. This allowed for character interaction, story development, and other things that enabled me to present the facts in an entertaining manner.

One should not face a writer's block with the mentality of bursting through it. I have found in my own experience that a writer's block is usually due to my mind indicating that it has a problem in 'channeling' the story. One reason might be a re-imagining of certain story points. Another reason however is that there is a problem in where you are at in the story, so you need to look back and find out the problem with the 'journey' that prevents the tale from advancing.

Latest topics
» the marriage
Yesterday at 4:30 am by oskar

» And the New Advance Begins: TimeSaga D1 (First of 5)
August 13th 2017, 9:51 pm by TerishD

» the invisible
August 13th 2017, 5:11 am by oskar

» grateful
August 12th 2017, 6:20 am by oskar

» at the surgery
August 11th 2017, 5:55 am by oskar

Top posters
oskar (2091)
 
TerishD (1219)
 
HYdraMStar (1170)
 
Kellycakes (1136)
 
Snacker (818)
 
Urs (569)
 
fleamailman (400)
 
Leaka (334)
 
JuJu (287)
 
alexandra (198)
 

Share | 
 

 I'm not so much a Rockstar as a Fake

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
VergilSparda


avatar

Female
Number of posts : 16
Age : 22
Registration date : 2008-07-28

PostSubject: I'm not so much a Rockstar as a Fake   July 28th 2008, 1:15 am

I took a small drag of the cigarette that lazed between my fingers. The setting around me was the same as it was ten years ago, when I left my mother. The subway, bustling with hundreds or thousands of people each day, people from France and all the way around the world. The looked down, my right foot was propped against the wall behind me, and my left was sticking out slightly ajar, like I was holding out an invisible door for something. I took another drag and stared around.

The sign behind me read ‘No Smoking’ but more than half of the people in the French subways didn’t understand French, and therefore couldn’t read the signs. An old American man walked up to me, staring up at me from only (at the very least) five feet off of the ground. “Excuse me miss.” He said, making words with one syllable sound like two, and words with two sound like three. He spoke up to me like I had down syndrome. “What does that sign say behind you deary?”

I looked at him without moving my head. “It means No Smoking.” I said in perfect English.

He looked at me for a moment, as if he were appalled by my insanity, before sauntering away.

I laughed at his back for a moment, before strapping my guitar case to my back, picking up my viola case in my right hand, and my bag of luggage in the left. I was heading to the airport, so that I could go to my mother’s home, in Northern France. She was rich, she had answers, and she had a husband that I bitterly hated, but I could get past that hate, if I just thought about how much I needed my mother to be there for me now, to be there, to help me in my time of need.

She was my last resort.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
TerishD


avatar

Male
Number of posts : 1219
Age : 57
Location : Ringgold, Louisiana
Current Mood :
Registration date : 2008-07-21

PostSubject: Reply   July 28th 2008, 8:13 am

It is not a hook. At least it did not catch my interest. It however was a clean set of paragraphs. Young rebellious central characters need plots that grab the reader, because young rebellious characters do not. They can, as a reader can identify with them, whether the reader agrees or not with their attitudes, but it takes a story to show the character to have more 'character' than is readily apparent. This opening could thus be set into other paragraphs to introduce your protagonist, but as an opening hook it is just a stupid kid in a stupid country (yeah, France joke) probably going to her mother because she did something stupid. Not interested.

_________________
Fantasy puts more requirements on the writer than any other fiction, because the world must be made as real before anything else can be real.
Adult Christian fiction quite different than all the usual lame stuff in that market.  "Dilemma of Dreams" now in hard back.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.terishd.com
VergilSparda


avatar

Female
Number of posts : 16
Age : 22
Registration date : 2008-07-28

PostSubject: Re: I'm not so much a Rockstar as a Fake   July 28th 2008, 1:13 pm

TerishD wrote:
It is not a hook. At least it did not catch my interest. It however was a clean set of paragraphs. Young rebellious central characters need plots that grab the reader, because young rebellious characters do not. They can, as a reader can identify with them, whether the reader agrees or not with their attitudes, but it takes a story to show the character to have more 'character' than is readily apparent. This opening could thus be set into other paragraphs to introduce your protagonist, but as an opening hook it is just a stupid kid in a stupid country (yeah, France joke) probably going to her mother because she did something stupid. Not interested.

Thanks. It took a few hours to make this. Guess I'm just not that good enough huh? But I just didn't have enough room and time to post the second part of it. I don't think I will now. Thanks. Smile
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Chrome


avatar

Female
Number of posts : 63
Age : 24
Location : Lahore, PK
Registration date : 2008-08-26

PostSubject: Re: I'm not so much a Rockstar as a Fake   September 1st 2008, 2:10 pm

This isn't a story. It's a chunk of well-written paragraphs, yes, but as TerishD said, there's isn't any appeal in the typical cliched story of (...). You want it to be catchy without altering your storyline? Alter your approach on the story. It's not supposed to be random description. Sure, many novels start with random description, but when this happens, there's a suspense element, or curiosity element. Reveal the girl's fears a little more. Describe her situation, even if slightly (first-person is helpful for that) and try to have the reader connect with her, rather than yawn and be repelled by her. Best wishes. Feel free to PM me if needed.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
alexandra


avatar

Female
Number of posts : 198
Age : 52
Location : Valencia, Spain
Registration date : 2008-08-19

PostSubject: Re: I'm not so much a Rockstar as a Fake   September 2nd 2008, 8:40 am

Hello Virgil

Quote :


Thanks. It took a few hours to make this. Guess I'm just not that good enough huh? But I just didn't have enough room and time to post the second part of it. I don't think I will now. Thanks. Smile


why not post some more? why not add a bit more?

I agree with Terish and Chrome, this needs a bit more action, something that grabs my eyes to the text, some suspense perhaps?.


I know that sometimes it's not easy to come up with fattening things for stories, but you only have to give it a go, it's like going to the shops to buy some clothes, sometimes you, well, "I" think they fit but then when I go with a friend, she tells me they don't or that I look horrible so I choose something else and end up looking ok...

come on... give it another go
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://alexandrariera.spaces.live.com/
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: I'm not so much a Rockstar as a Fake   

Back to top Go down
 
I'm not so much a Rockstar as a Fake
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» 2013 Team Chart
» help needed
» Alleged counterfeit Troika
» Chinese/Japanese teapot 5in tall, genuine or fake ?
» Fictional (or FAKE) Bands

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
 :: The Pennings (Writer's Forum) :: The Scrawler's Workplace-
Jump to: