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Is the phrase "Once upon a time..."
Overused
33%
 33% [ 1 ]
Underused
67%
 67% [ 2 ]
Total Votes : 3
Monthly Writing Prompt
For this month's writing prompt write a scene using the following sentence to start;

The streets were deserted. Where was everyone? Where had they all gone?

Writing Tip
Our monthly writing tips are written by our very own TerishD. You can read more in Terish's Blog located in "The Abstractions" area of the forum.

Look Back

When not able to write ahead, it helps to look back. In my case I had written a paragraph ahead of the story. What I needed to do was add a section of exposition (talking) presenting some facts. In going back, I realized that I could insert a section where a 'tour' of the surroundings could be done. This allowed for character interaction, story development, and other things that enabled me to present the facts in an entertaining manner.

One should not face a writer's block with the mentality of bursting through it. I have found in my own experience that a writer's block is usually due to my mind indicating that it has a problem in 'channeling' the story. One reason might be a re-imagining of certain story points. Another reason however is that there is a problem in where you are at in the story, so you need to look back and find out the problem with the 'journey' that prevents the tale from advancing.

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 The Soldier That Died (explicit)

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Pookabear


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Registration date : 2011-06-29

PostSubject: The Soldier That Died (explicit)   June 29th 2011, 6:20 pm

Never in my life have i attempted a rap before
thought I'd try something new
before the gun went off and i hit the floor.

Everyday i have to ask myself,
will momma be alright,
or has she given up the fight?
Has my sister learned a lesson?
Maybe it's me that needs to make a confession
one more chance, one more time
when i was little, who wouldda thought
that id be the to commit the crimes

can you get a charge
for attempted suicide?
Something like attempted murder?
I once heard you could
Now before i take this further,
let me tell you this one thing.

I've always struggled to keep up
couldnt run outta answers
had to stay by your side
to catch you when you fall
after all,
someone had to keep on walkin'.

I was always the little angel,
momma's little girl.
you always expected the best from me.
maybe that's why i couldnt give it to ya
too much pressure
comin' from every angle
but momma i swear i tried
i did it just for you and daddy
then daddy went and fucked us up

then what happened?
Tears started to fall
i felt like a failure
like i fucked up it all
it seemed i kept breakin' what i built
all the things i made,
all the promises from him that had to fade.

And in the end, you asked how i felt
if i was okay
what i wanted to say,
no what i wanted to scream,
that i need you to slow down
i need to take a breath
i need to take a rest
momma please, cant you see?
I've always struggled to keep up
couldnt run outta answers
had to stay by your side
to catch you when you fall
after all,
someone had to keep on walkin'.

When i was little,
i always tried to pay attention
when the adults kept on talkin'
you didnt you want me to hear
you wanted my eyes closed
but daddy ripped my eyelids off
and then fell down my first real tear
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Snacker


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PostSubject: Re: The Soldier That Died (explicit)   June 29th 2011, 7:50 pm

Wow... This is intense, but it's real. It's about things that happen, things that children see but parents don't. I recognize the feelings you put into this piece. It's passionate, starting at love and going to hate. I love it! cheers

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Pookabear


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PostSubject: Re: The Soldier That Died (explicit)   June 29th 2011, 8:00 pm

Thank you :DDD
Every time I read over it, I'm less pleased with it though. but I can't figure out what it is that needs to be changed. :/
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PostSubject: Re: The Soldier That Died (explicit)   June 29th 2011, 8:03 pm

Hm...I read it over again and I still love it. I think we're always hard on ourselves and sometimes don't realize how other people see it. I know this from myself. It always takes a while until I'm pleased with my writing, drawings etc.

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Pookabear


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PostSubject: Re: The Soldier That Died (explicit)   June 29th 2011, 8:09 pm

Yeah I'm never really fully pleased with any of my work. that's why I have an account in deviant art for my drawing, and little of my writing. I'm glad I found this forum. people on DA don't really read that stuff, just look at the other art lol
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PostSubject: Re: The Soldier That Died (explicit)   June 29th 2011, 8:12 pm

Well we have an art section fro drawings etc. here too. You're always welcome to share your work with us.

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Pookabear


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PostSubject: Re: The Soldier That Died (explicit)   June 29th 2011, 8:19 pm

I know. I would just like to leave things the way they are.
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