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Is the phrase "Once upon a time..."
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For this month's writing prompt write a scene using the following sentence to start;

The streets were deserted. Where was everyone? Where had they all gone?

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Look Back

When not able to write ahead, it helps to look back. In my case I had written a paragraph ahead of the story. What I needed to do was add a section of exposition (talking) presenting some facts. In going back, I realized that I could insert a section where a 'tour' of the surroundings could be done. This allowed for character interaction, story development, and other things that enabled me to present the facts in an entertaining manner.

One should not face a writer's block with the mentality of bursting through it. I have found in my own experience that a writer's block is usually due to my mind indicating that it has a problem in 'channeling' the story. One reason might be a re-imagining of certain story points. Another reason however is that there is a problem in where you are at in the story, so you need to look back and find out the problem with the 'journey' that prevents the tale from advancing.

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 Death Wish

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Registration date : 2009-01-11

PostSubject: Death Wish   March 6th 2012, 8:28 am

Havent been here in a while, guess i almost forgot about this place, but hey, i found it again. here's a new story im working on, its a re-make of an old story of mine, hope it makes sense.


Chapter 1 - I am, I was. Why bother.

I was lying half conscious over a puddle of my own blood, as I opened my eyes, a hooded figure towered over me, under the dim light, I could see the persons grin, wide like a half moon, mocking me. Wrapped inside it's hand, a 9mm revolver pointed at my face.

He fired 3 times, and before I knew it, I was dead....

I felt the darkness crawl from the ceiling swallowing every shade of light, turning them into melting shadows, everything melted into the darkness, including me. First, it was my skin, followed by my veins, then my bones, I was being eaten by the darkness, bit by bit, inch by inch, swallowing my entire being until i was no more than a shadow myself.

Great force pulled me from the darkness, sucking me into a hole no bigger than a hole in a needle, great pain surged through my soul, being squeezed, being pulled, being torn apart and pieced together again.

When I opened my eyes, I was only bones, covered by flames from the top of my head to the very tips of my toes, I was, in hell.

The burning went on for eternities, a never ending pain, a never dying punishment, i wished for death, "Kill me kill me Kill ME!" I cried, but i only heard mocking laughter, I searched for this laugher, and there i found a lone figure standing atop the highest pit.

I called out to him, he ignored my plea only to jump from the pit down to where i was, the jump left a crater, as he walked away, it regenerated, pretty much like my undying state. He eyed me blankly, as if no scream was loud enough to reach him, then there i knew it.

I knew what he was... A demon.

He crouched before me as if to take a closer look at me. "KILL ME KILL ME!!" I cried, reaching for his leg, he kicked my hand away, spitting something at me. The flames grew more intense and impossibly hotter. I rolled around the rocky terrain attempting the impossible, nothing happened, for the more I struggled to defeat the flames, they become stronger.

This was when he stood up and turned away, I no longer peeked his interest, this pissed me off. Before I knew it, I found myself standing, covered in flames, "STOP!!! KILL ME!" I cried out.

He kept on walking, his back disappearing into the darkness, I couldn’t allow it, I took a step, two steps, and not long after running, I ran after the mysterious stranger, his eyes almost popped out upon the realization of my presence, he turned back to me only to find me already tackling him to the ground. I opened my jaws at him growling. "KILL ME!!!"

My bone fingers moved on their own, wrapping themselves around his neck, attempting if not achieving to strangle the life out of this man. The flames didn’t bother him, but he gasped for air, meaning I could kill him if i tried hard enough, but something pulled me away from him.

I saw large red eyes out of the darkness, If that man was a demon, then what was this? The power of the flames grew more intense, burning me back to my previous state, I was weak, i was dead, and I was in hell, the darkness swallowed me once more, the eyes watching me as I went down what I thought was its throat. My skin regenerated faster this time, the flames suddenly extinguished.

I opened my eyes again, and everything was gone, the flames, the pain, I was no longer in hell, but somewhere not very different. I found myself sat on a sapphire colored couch, I was in a room dimly lit by flouting orbs of blue lights, they were souls, it bothered me how i knew that, and how it felt natural to accept supernatural things. The room had no doors, no windows, there was just me, the chair, and before i realized it, the man from hell sat cross-legged over nothing just a few feet away from me.

"Hello, Michael." He greeted me with a melancholic voice. "Welcome to the Blue Coffin."

There's no way I could’ve heard him wrong, what he said was 'Blue Coffin', I bent my head backwards, examining the back end of the room, souls flew by me as I did, bringing my attention back to the man, he held the soul over his palm and releases it.

“I know you have many questions, but as you may already know, you’re still pretty-much-alive.” He said, sounding really cool, but the last time I remember, I was pretty much dead, and was in hell for God knows how long. I bent my head backwards again, staring at the ceiling this time; two souls were playing above me, one with colored an ounce brighter than the other.

“Why am I here?” I asked, surprised, it seemed reason returned to my non-existing head, the flames took too much of me, and I only wanted death from the flames, but now that they disappeared, I was thinking again.

“I brought you here.” He said shrugging. “Technically, my familiar did, but you get the idea.”

I turned back to him, with blank uncaring eyes, the flames made me numb to pretty much anything, even in conversation, I don’t feel much like replying, I was dead, was in hell, but why? It annoyed me how I no longer had reason for anything, the flames burned me to such extent that I forgot everything, all my human memories are gone and I wanted them back.

“You will remember everything, eventually, but for now.” He replied as if he read my mind. “You’ll have to make do.” He shrugged every after reply, I studied his every movement, how he folds his hands over his knee’s, how he moved his shoulders, shifted from his sit, even the movement of his pale white lip, the color of his skin, the strange paleness he had, the glimmer of blue and red mixed in his eyes, his ink like hair that appeared to have a life of its own. He wore a suit, and now that I think about it, so did I, a rather fancy suit, something I never would’ve worn, with or without memories, I understood this simple thing.

I mimicked his posture, crossed my legs, and shrugged. “You didn’t answer my question, why am I here?” his blank face was replaced by the same fiendish green he showed earlier. “The question goes the same for you, Michael, why do you think you’re here?” Shiver went down my non-existing spine, he sighed, shrugging once more, I copied him unintentionally.

Why was I here, Why was I here? When I think about it, I wanted to be anywhere and everywhere, all except one place… And that was Hell. “I don’t want to be in hell.” I said uncaringly, unintentionally.

“Exactly!” he clapped his hand together as if I hit the target head on, I was still confused on what significance this meeting held, but I was glad I wasn’t in hell. He shrugs once more, leaning closer to me, the light showing his pale beautiful face, angelic more like it, nothing like any demon I’ve dreamt, I had to catch my non existing breath before he spoke again. “You have two options.” He held a finger up as he explained this.

“One, to sign a binding contract with me… This would mean that I can grant you a wish, any wish you can think of all including your exile from the Hell.”

But? I thought..

“But you will act as a my vessel in the world of the living.” He continued as if answering my thoughts.

“A vessel?”

“Yes, I’m at war with my brothers, we are fighting over who gets to rule Hell once our Father passes.”

“I don’t understand…” I thought aloud

“It’s a part of our Fathers conditions. And it just so happens that you fit the job description perfectly.”
Out of pure curiosity, I asked him. “So what’s option number 2.”

“You go back to hell, and there’s no turning back.” He said with a tone to happy for my own liking, this gives me no choice at all, whether it be permanent or not, I was not going to return to that place, be it the last thing I do before I die-again.

“I accept.” He gave me as pen and a scroll unfolded before my eyes, a soul was carrying it no wonder it was floating. “Sign here here and here.” I signed realizing there was no ink, but not for long, later, my hand move on its own, I felt the life sucked out of me, supplying the glass pen with a blue glow similar to the souls floating around the room. When he said it was a soul contract, there was no kidding, my soul was really bound to the contract, and breaking it would mean ending up in hell… again.
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PostSubject: Reply   March 6th 2012, 12:05 pm

The chapter moved rather well. There is a lot that is not explained, but in a longer work there is no need to answer all questions in the beginning. You set a light tone and held the standard, so there is no reason to complain.

I did note some grammar errors, but they were not bad. If you had set a more serious tone, I might have held the faults against you. The light presentation however just had me shrug while continuing to read.

What you wrote went through a definite progression with a good sense of character and setting. I thank you for sharing.

Fantasy puts more requirements on the writer than any other fiction, because the world must be made as real before anything else can be real.
Adult Christian fiction quite different than all the usual lame stuff in that market.  "Dilemma of Dreams" now in hard back.
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PostSubject: Re: Death Wish   March 6th 2012, 11:57 pm

I agree with Terish. The character and detailed settings are quite nice. There are a lot of loose ends that need to be tied up as the story progresses and I do hope to read more. Nice work!

Easy reading is damn hard writing! I love you

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