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Is the phrase "Once upon a time..."
Overused
33%
 33% [ 1 ]
Underused
67%
 67% [ 2 ]
Total Votes : 3
Monthly Writing Prompt
For this month's writing prompt write a scene using the following sentence to start;

The streets were deserted. Where was everyone? Where had they all gone?

Writing Tip
Our monthly writing tips are written by our very own TerishD. You can read more in Terish's Blog located in "The Abstractions" area of the forum.

Look Back

When not able to write ahead, it helps to look back. In my case I had written a paragraph ahead of the story. What I needed to do was add a section of exposition (talking) presenting some facts. In going back, I realized that I could insert a section where a 'tour' of the surroundings could be done. This allowed for character interaction, story development, and other things that enabled me to present the facts in an entertaining manner.

One should not face a writer's block with the mentality of bursting through it. I have found in my own experience that a writer's block is usually due to my mind indicating that it has a problem in 'channeling' the story. One reason might be a re-imagining of certain story points. Another reason however is that there is a problem in where you are at in the story, so you need to look back and find out the problem with the 'journey' that prevents the tale from advancing.

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 Looking On (The Regret Song)

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Phalen Schuyler


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Female
Number of posts : 27
Age : 26
Location : Clarksville, MD
Current Mood :
Registration date : 2008-07-18

PostSubject: Looking On (The Regret Song)   August 20th 2008, 9:42 pm

Kid, you're being a little overrated
Self-consciousness is chewing at your soul
Part of me hates it
Seeing you, kid, go through all of this
Your feet are dragging in the mud
The vile substance goes everywhere that you go
A dagger pierces my heart everytime you let the emotion show

Chorus:
And now I want to hold you high and steal your pain
I want to sweep all of that bitterness away
Hide it under the rug
Until it creeps back out again

Kid, you think that you're keeping everything sealed up inside
But the truth is that you just can't hide
The way you feel
And well I
Felt the sting everytime you cried
And well I
I've always been a bystander
Just looking on
Had to feel like I belonged

Chorus:
And now I want to hold you high and steal your pain
I want to sweep all of that bitterness away
Hide it under the rug
Until it creeps back out again

And now I
Regret it
And you just won't let me forget it
And well I
I'm the one who hurt the most everytime you cried
Caught in the downside
And well I
I'm sorry for all of the times I lied
And, kid, I don't know what to say
Drowning in my mistakes
And well I
I've always been a bystander
Just looking on
Had to feel like I belonged

Chorus:
And now I want to hold you high and steal your pain
I want to sweep all of that bitterness away
Hide it under the rug
Until it creeps back out again

And well I
You know, you're not the only one who hurt everytime you cried
And well I
I've always been a bystander
Just looking on
And kid I
I also felt the sting everytime you cried...
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Chrome


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Number of posts : 63
Age : 24
Location : Lahore, PK
Registration date : 2008-08-26

PostSubject: Re: Looking On (The Regret Song)   August 30th 2008, 5:11 pm

It was a nice song all in all, but it didn't appeal me that you repeated a lot of it. Also, the flow you picked (how I take it) doesn't really match the mood of the song. Lemme know the speed and I might comment better.
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Kellycakes


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Number of posts : 1136
Age : 40
Location : State of Thankfulness!
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Registration date : 2008-07-17

PostSubject: Re: Looking On (The Regret Song)   August 30th 2008, 8:48 pm

In my opinion, and believe me I have no 'authority' to critique songwriting skills, it didn't seem like a song at all. It seem more like a list of emotions felt by the writer about a particular kid. It doesn't lack emotion that is for sure, and its a little off whereas the first verse and the second verse are unbalanced.

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Number of posts : 30
Registration date : 2008-08-18

PostSubject: Re: Looking On (The Regret Song)   September 3rd 2008, 1:09 pm

I'm wouldn't say its unbalanced because songwriters usually have a tune in their heads. If these are just lyrics, they won't stand alone. If there is a tune to go along with it, then the song actually has a chance and we'll have to hear it with music in order to get the full point of view of the writer. Looks like you put a lot of work into this one though, I'll give you that.
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