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Registration date : 2008-07-17
|Subject: Nightmare In The Cemetery October 19th 2012, 3:42 pm|| |
Dawson King was the kind of guy everyone liked. As the captain of Gravity High's Lacrosse team he was always surrounded by many kids. Most of them liked him, some of them wanted to be his friends and there were even a few that wanted to be in his shoes. Dawson had his life planned out step by step; He intended on attending college and becoming a pediatrician. Ever since the death of his younger brother six years ago, he knew he belonged into the children ward of a hospital. Unfortunately, he wasn't as fond of Halloween as he was of children and helping them.
Dawson had never believed into the supernatural and miraculous things. He had to actually see everything in front of his own two eyes to be able to believe it. Things like 'Ghosts' and 'Witches' meant nothing to him and in his opinion were just things used to scare children on Halloween. But for Dawson, October and its special holiday was just another period of time like any other. He never gave it any thought or recognition, kept to himself and hoped for it to be over with soon.
Unlike him, though, his friend Michelle Shadows was head over heel into magic, witches, wizards, Wicca and Ouija boards. She had been from the first day Dawson had met her and it hadn't changed since. Every year at the end of October, Michelle and her family decorated their house to the extreme and had a huge party when they invited about every person in town. Dawson heard it's been a yearly success ever since they started with that tradition, but he still didn't care about any of that hocus pocus. Michelle on the other hand invited all of her friends, including him, and tried to change skeptics into believers.
It was only a week until Halloween and Dawson was certain that he'd be hearing from Michelle anytime soon. Just as expected, a couple of days before the holiday he found an invitation from her in his locker. It was black and thick and felt like it was made out of leather. It turned out that just the outside was covered with some thin leather and stuffed with some cotton to make it look puffy. He had to admit that it was pretty cool, but just because the invitation looked awesome it still didn't convince him to attend her party or even go near her house. Looking at the piece of art again, he especially liked the big red bat on the front of it. When he opened it his eyes caught a glint of some homemade spiderwebs which went along the right side of the invitation. In the left upper corner was a drawing of a spooky head and small, black bats had been spread all over the two pages. The writing was in black as well and had a freaky looking but awesome title. Knowing Michelle and her creative side, Dawson was sure she made it all herself.
The invitation read:
Michelle's Wicked Halloween party
When: October 31st
Where: My house
End: When the last souls have been taken
What to bring: Bring some garlic if you don't want to be bitten by a vampire. Otherwise, just you and your soul.
Get ready to get scared!!
He had to give her credit for it since it seemed like she put a lot of thought and actual work into it. Nonetheless he looked at it one more time before he deposited into the nearest garbage can.
A few seconds later, Michelle came around the corner smiling and waving at Dawson when she saw him. She was the kind of girl who was always smiling and had kind of a 'happy go lucky' personality.
“Hey there!” Michelle said. “How's my handsome buddy doing?”
A quick glance in the trash can's direction made her smile. “ I see you got my invitation, huh? But as I know you, you won't be attending, am I right?
Dawson smiled, pulling on Michelle's jacket sleeve to get her closer to him.
“Hi Michelle, how's it going? You know me and you know I'm not really into that Halloween stuff. Unlike you, I just like to spend that night at home doing what I always do so I'm far away from all that hocus pocus.
She moved really close to him. “You know, if I wouldn't know better I'd say you're scared of the truth”, she whispered into his ear.
"What truth?" Dawson asked.
"The truth of finding something out there that is real. Something you wouldn't even imagine. Something scary and spooky. Something that would show you that you've been wrong all the time."
After looking at her with a 'girl-you're-so-crazy-look' he started laughing out loud.
"Oh come on Michelle, you don't really believe what you just said, do you? Me and scared? Oh puh-lease... I just ––
"Okay, okay", she interrupted him. "Then prove that you aren’t scared. Come to my party, get involved in everything we're going to do and stay until it's finished."
"If I come will you stop talking about that weird stuff?" Dawson asked her curiously.
"Yes I will." Michelle answered without hesitation.
"Alright, I'll be there. It's not like I have to prove something, but I do it just so you'll shut up.” Dawson thought for a second then said. “ But you know what? Let’s add some more excitement to it and have that whole party at the cemetery! What do you think?”
Michelle's mouth fell open before she started teasing him."Oh I see, now you turn into a macho man. Although a cemetery is where dead souls find peace to rest, I wouldn’t want to wake any of them up. So let’s keep the actual party at my house, but we'll do the Ouija board session at the cemetery. Deal?”
“Alright, deal! Can’t wait to show you that I'm not scared of anything!” Dawson said, pushing his chest up against her.
“Yeah sure, Dawson. See you in two days.” Michelle winked at him before she started walking down the hallway into the classroom.
He couldn’t believe it. Did she really just talk him into going to her party? Oh well, he thought; let’s prove her wrong.
The night of Halloween had come and Dawson was ready to go to his friends get-together. There was only moonlight lighting the way as he walked to the party. When he arrived, he saw that Michelle's house was decorated like crazy again. Skeletons were standing in the driveway, pumpkins carved and lit up and spooky music was playing and it was hearable halfway around the block. He rang the bell and the door opened. He walked into the door, but nobody was around. The door seemed to have opened by itself. But of course that was only a trick, Dawson thought. A trick to scare the visitors. But it didn’t work with him.
He found a note on the little table next to the entrance saying:
“You’re late! I’m waiting for you at the cemetery!”
He put the note into his pocket and started walking toward the cemetery. Good thing it was only a couple of blocks away. The closer he came to the cemetery, the darker it got. Big, black, dark clouds were covering the moon and it was hard for him to actually see the entrance of the graveyard. Then suddenly in the distance he recognized lit torches. He kept on walking until he saw all his friends.
“Hey guys, how are you all doing”? Dawson yelled to his friends. They all looked at him, nodding a hello.
“It's really not nice to just leave me by myself. You could have waited for me instead of leaving a note on the table.”
Michelle got on her feet and started walking towards him with a concerned look on her face. “What are you talking about, Dawson? We didn’t leave you a message on the table. Because the party started at 8pm and it's now close to midnight I just thought you changed your mind and probably won't show up. I tried calling you, but every time you answered your phone I heard strange noises. Thought something was wrong with your phone.”
Dawson took his phone out his pocket and checked it. “My phone never rang. I had it with me all the time, but it never made a noise. And yes the note, you wrote that you were waiting for me at the cemetery. I got it right here in my pocket.”
He grabbed for the note in his pocket, but it was gone. He checked his other pockets, but he couldn’t find it. All his friends were staring, waiting for him to show them the note.
“I…I…It was there. I took it, read it and put it in my pocket. I swear. It was right here”, Dawson said with a shaky voice.
Suddenly he started chuckling which turned into a laughing. “Oh I know what’s going on here, Michelle. Nice try, but I’m not scared. Now how did you take that note out of my pocket without me noticing? Who did it? Was it you Brian?”... he pointed at a tall red-head standing to his right, before he pointed at a skinny girl to his left... “What about you Mary? Oh come on guys. Nice try, but you can all stop now.”
Everybody kept on staring at Dawson before they broke out into laughter.
“Hahaha, that was great, D”, Brian said.
“Yes, very well played. You almost scared us”, Mary joked.
Michelle caught herself from all the laughter. “Remember Dawson, you are the skeptic here, not us. Now let’s start with the Ouija board.”
She put the board down on the ground. They all sat in a circle around it while the flames of the torches went down slowly. Dawson was the only one who was still standing, so he joined his friends and sat down. He tried to focus on the board but he was just too confused to do so. He just didn't know what to say. He was sure that when he opened the entrance door in Michelle's house and saw that little note on the table that he had read it and then put it in his pocket. He was certain of it, so how was it possible that it was gone? Did he lose it on the way here? It just wasn't possible, because he didn't play in his pocket or took the note out again. And what about the phone call? He just used his phone in the morning and knew it was still working, so how come it wasn't ringing when Michelle tried to call him? There wasn't even a notification on it that somebody tried to reach him.
Everybody was staring at him when he noticed that it was his turn. He knew exactly what question he wanted to ask, so he did so without hesitation.
“Who wrote the note I found on the table tonight?”
They all looked at each other, but went along with it anyway.
The planchette moved slowly over the board; M-E
“Who is ––”
Michelle interrupted him. “Hey it’s not your turn anymore. You have to wait until it’s your turn again. This isn't how it works.”
Dawson looked at her, irritated. “Oh come on Michelle, someone's playing a joke on me. M–E? Who the hell is ‘ME’? And how come that I read the note, but I can’t find it in my pocket anymore when I’m sure I put it there? I’m not joking around, I'm not trying to scare anybody. I’m really serious about this. So please, let me have another turn, okay?”
“Alright okay, fine. Go ahead. Ask your questions.” she said, just so he would shut up.
“Yeah yeah, whatever!”
Everyone was still staring at him, being sure that he was just playing a joke on them.
“Who are you?”
The planchette moved once again over the board, one letter at a time.
(Y-O-U-R W-O-R-S-T N-I-G-H-T-M-A-R-E)
“Where are you?
(R-I-G-H-T N-E-X-T T-O Y-O-U)
After putting it together, Dawson felt a chill going over his entire body. He felt a cold hand on his right shoulder and some cold air surrounding him.
“OMG”, Mary screamed, jumping on her feet. “You really called a ghost to us. There is a ghost among us.
“See Dawson, you really did it”, Michelle said with a scary voice.
“Seriously guys, stop it. I admit that I’m a little bit scared. But whoever this is can stop now. I can feel him touching me and I feel ice cold air surrounding me.”
“Did you ever do something bad in your life, Dawson?” Michelle asked him with a serious look on her face. “Something so bad that somebody would want revenge?”
Dawson felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. He would have never thought that the past would come back haunting him, and certainly not that he would have to tell it to so many people. It seemed that was the only thing to do here, though, so he started, slowly and with a whispering voice.
“Well, when I was younger, we lived out on the countryside, where my brother and I had a lot of fights with the neighbor boys. One day on October 31 st we had a challenge and whoever would win would get the saying over the others. The challenge was running through the woods. It might not sound like anything bad, but those woods were considered haunted. They were called the 'Haunted Woods” and the legend suggested that nobody entered . You see, about 50 years ago there was a crazy, old man living in those woods. He was all by himself and would rarely leave his house. There were times when he was seen in town because he needed to pick up some things, but most of the time he just lived from slaying his own animals. It's said that his face was misshaped and he had a wooden leg, but it was never really confirmed. Children always messed with him, disturbed his peace and vandalized his property until he one day flipped out, got his shot gun and shot all those children in cold blood before he took his own life. His ghost was still lingering in those woods, killing everyone who dared to go in there disturbing his peace. I, of course, thought it was just hocus pocus, so I agreed to it. The neighbors boys and my brother and I ran through the woods when a thick mist came upon us. We all lost each other, but the boys were never seen again. My brother somehow made it out as well, but he was shot in his chest and one of his legs was ripped off. He was fighting and fighting because he loved life and he tried to hold on to it so badly, but he never really had a chance. There was nothing I could do, except wishing that all that had only been a dream, but it was the cold and hard reality and I couldn't change anything. My parents blamed me for everything that had happened and blamed me for my brother's death. Within six months, my mom slipped into bad depression and was admitted to a mental hospital while my dad took a gun to his head and killed himself. I was sent to an orphanage until I somehow got picked by a family who was willing to take me in and treat me like their own son. While living with my new family I heard that the other boys father couldn't handle the deaths of his sons any longer and drove his car off a cliff. I'm pretty sure that he blamed me as well for I blamed myself for their deaths for many, many years. Hundreds of sessions with a psychiatrist and a move helped me go on with my life. I never forgot, but I managed to block it out. So this might be their dad trying to kill me. This is also the reason why I was trying so hard to forget about Halloween. I didn’t want to be bothered.”
Michelle had tears in her eyes and couldn't believe what she was hearing.“Oh my god, Dawson! Why did you never tell anyone? I wouldn’t have made you go if I would have known that.”
He looked up at her. “It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have agreed to it. Now I’m haunted and I don’t know what to do. There's no way that a ghost can kill me, right?”
“Well actually there are certain people who say it is possible. Certain places where people got killed by ghosts” Michelle answered, before realizing what she just said.
“Oh what a bullshit. I might be haunted by a ghost, but I certainly won’t get killed by it,” Dawson yelled.
Michelle flipped out and started screaming at Dawson. “Are you freaking stupid? You’ve just been touched by a ghost. We just told you that ghosts did kill people and you still don’t believe anything that is going on right now? Hellllooooo…Earth to Dawson!? Are you really that ignorant or are you just really stupid?
Dawson got really angry and his face turned red. “Stop screaming at me, Michelle! Just because I felt something cold around me doesn’t mean that it’s the actual ghost. Ghosts can not kill, don't you get that? All this is just humbug, things people tell each other to scare them. Yes, I have gone through a nightmare and no, the killer of my brother was never found and the disappearance of the other boys was never solved, but there is an explanation for everything. Ghosts do not exist, never have and never will!”
Before Dawson could go ahead talking bad about the supernatural, his body started shaking. His eyes turned inside out and he started turning blue and even grabbing for air didn’t help. His body got wrinkly and the skin started peeling while it looked like somebody was pulling on his right leg. Everybody could hear bones breaking when his leg slowly came off, blood splatting everywhere and after his eyes, ears and nose started bleeding and his heart popped out of his chest he was dead – killed by his worst nightmare – killed by a ghost!
Last edited by Snacker on October 20th 2012, 7:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
Number of posts : 1244
Age : 58
Location : Ringgold, Louisiana
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Registration date : 2008-07-21
|Subject: Reply October 19th 2012, 9:24 pm|| |
Nice seasonal piece. Seems like the guy was targeted by the wrong 'friend.'
Fantasy puts more requirements on the writer than any other fiction, because the world must be made as real before anything else can be real.
Adult Christian fiction quite different than all the usual lame stuff in that market. "Dilemma of Dreams
" now in hard back.
Number of posts : 1136
Age : 40
Location : State of Thankfulness!
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Registration date : 2008-07-17
|Subject: Re: Nightmare In The Cemetery October 20th 2012, 7:36 pm|| |
I enjoyed the rewrite better than the first run of this story. You've added a lot more details that are relevant to the story therefore bringing things together. It does however seem forced in places, as if you were in a rush. Grammatical errors breaks things up a bit. Of course this is just my opinion. You might want to run through it a few more times to iron out the errors.
Thanks for sharing and I hope to see you, my dear husband, a little more active here. I know you haven't been writing much, but when you do decide to pick up the pen I enjoy when you share your work with others.
Number of posts : 818
Age : 32
Location : Stuck in Michigan
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Registration date : 2008-07-17
|Subject: Re: Nightmare In The Cemetery October 20th 2012, 7:54 pm|| |
Yes I'm definitely happy with the re-write of the piece. It was in need of some more details and I think I've accomplished that.
I tend to get excited when I'm close to finishing a piece, so you mentioning that it seems forced at some points doesn't surprise me. Kelly, could you however go more into details about the grammatical errors?
I will do my best to pick up a pen more often, which, as you know, isn't my favorite way to write. However, without a computer it seems to be the only one right now.