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Is the phrase "Once upon a time..."
Overused
33%
 33% [ 1 ]
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 67% [ 2 ]
Total Votes : 3
Monthly Writing Prompt
For this month's writing prompt write a scene using the following sentence to start;

The streets were deserted. Where was everyone? Where had they all gone?

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Our monthly writing tips are written by our very own TerishD. You can read more in Terish's Blog located in "The Abstractions" area of the forum.

Look Back

When not able to write ahead, it helps to look back. In my case I had written a paragraph ahead of the story. What I needed to do was add a section of exposition (talking) presenting some facts. In going back, I realized that I could insert a section where a 'tour' of the surroundings could be done. This allowed for character interaction, story development, and other things that enabled me to present the facts in an entertaining manner.

One should not face a writer's block with the mentality of bursting through it. I have found in my own experience that a writer's block is usually due to my mind indicating that it has a problem in 'channeling' the story. One reason might be a re-imagining of certain story points. Another reason however is that there is a problem in where you are at in the story, so you need to look back and find out the problem with the 'journey' that prevents the tale from advancing.

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 Poor thing never hasn't got a title.. o.O

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x_paramore


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PostSubject: Poor thing never hasn't got a title.. o.O   August 28th 2008, 4:57 pm

A/N: Uhh, sitting in history class about 6 months ago, not paying any attention at all, and picked up a pen and started writing. Stories are not really my specialty, so don't be too hard on me. But help would be appreciated. XD.
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It happened all too quickly. The woman found herself wandering down the long, dimly lit corridor before she had time to realise where she was. She had walked all the way to the mysterious house in a daze. It had only been a few hours since she had found out the truth about her past and now she was determined to learn more about everything that had been hidden from her all her life.

None of this bizarre business made sense to her, it made sense to no one. The truth was unbelievable yet somehow she had taken it as gospel the second it had escaped from her dieing mothers mouth. The last words of the woman she thought she knew, contradicted everything she had ever been taught. All she could remember from that final conversation with her was a lot of screaming and angry tears.

Yet through all those angry words that were spoken, she knew her mother only kept the secret from her to protect her from the evil of it. She had always felt like her family was holding a secret of the darkest kind. A secret so dark, that if revealed, would re write the history books forever. Mythology and the real world were now fused so tightly together, that it was near impossible for her to segregate the two.

She stopped at the end of the large hallway, and found herself standing underneath a door that captured perfectly the power of what lay within the room, which it guarded faithfully. The whole house seemed to be screaming out to her. Sometimes screaming warnings, and sometimes daring her to venture further into what already had an element of hell to it. The house, she felt, had a feeling of uneasiness about it, like it too had secrets, which would lay forever hidden beneath the chambers of the house, yet always threatening to take control.

The antique house felt like it had no soul, like Satan had been and gone, and had taken everything of value with him. All the time she found herself battling with her conscience, confused between right and wrong. Every fibre in her body told her she should run; get away before it was too late. But her curiosity was becoming stronger all the time, it was learning to overcome her conscience and cloud her judgement.

After all, she had come this far, she might as well take that last chance, and she knew she would kick herself later if she didnít. Her head was pounding and her heart skipped a beat or two as she reached for the old brass doorknob and slowly turned it, the creaking sound unnerving her.
A shaft of light hit her directly between the eyes as she stumbled into the room.

From somewhere inside, she heard the curtains being drawn swiftly, as if the person inside had not heard her coming, and then panicked when the door opened. She shakily stepped inside and closed the door behind her. Suddenly she felt trapped, as her eyes tried desperately to adjust to the darkness of the dreary room. The only light in there came from a small candle resting on top of an old, expensive looking mahogany table. She frantically looked around, trying to find the person who had closed the curtains but she was alone.

The silence in the room was deafening. All she could hear was the sound of her own heart, beating loud and fast, and her breathing, which was so slow and broken, it almost contradicted the fact that her heart was still there. There was a low ruffle from somewhere in the far corner of the room and she jumped around, half expecting to see her host, but there was nobody there. She turned back around to face the large, arched window that seemed to dominate the room and gasped as she found herself standing under the shadow of a creature so unreal, it could only have been described as indescribable.

His illuminating blonde hair shone brighter than the sun as it gently swooped across his forehead, just short enough to reveal a pair of eyes that momentarily hypnotised her. They were a magnificent shade of gold, yet for a split second, she could have sworn she had seen a flash of black appear, and then disappear just as speedily. She stood there for a while, stunned at the amazing symmetry of his features, the baby like smoothness of his skin, the high cheekbones, the blood red lips which were now pursed, but always coming back to the eyes.

There was something about them, she couldnít pin point what exactly it was, but they were no ordinary eyes. She had heard that the eyes were the door to the soul but she saw no soul behind them. They looked empty, dead perhaps. And she knew why. So this was what real vampires looked like.
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PostSubject: Reply   August 28th 2008, 6:28 pm

Okay, what do you want help with? I am not going to tell you that it is bad, because it is not. It is just bland. A nameless woman moving down a mysterious hallway to enter a door and face an alluring vampire - yeah, nice, and all within less than a thousand words. Take some time and make every part of this scene interesting to you. Make the woman somebody that you want to write about. Make the building and the hallway someplace you would like to visit. Give some substance to the vampire. In the midst of all the work, provide a plot that will bring life to the people and places.

Writing is not tossing out ideas. That sometimes is a place to start, but it is still a long way from being finished. I wish you well, as a good vampire story is usually an enjoyable tale.

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PostSubject: Re: Poor thing never hasn't got a title.. o.O   August 31st 2008, 8:40 am

I liked it very much. That "secret" the mother had told her on her death bed kept me on reading.... in fact I've read it twice to see where the "secret" is but can't find it. I assume she's been told she's a vampire but if that is so, how come she seems to have led a normal life? aren't vampires supposed to go out at night and sleep during the day?

that's the only puzzling thing for me.

I'm not good on grammar so I can't comment on that.

if you do ammendments and I don't comment, please send one of thos pm things and let me know. thanks
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PostSubject: Re: Poor thing never hasn't got a title.. o.O   August 31st 2008, 5:35 pm

alexandra wrote:
I liked it very much. That "secret" the mother had told her on her death bed kept me on reading.... in fact I've read it twice to see where the "secret" is but can't find it. I assume she's been told she's a vampire but if that is so, how come she seems to have led a normal life? aren't vampires supposed to go out at night and sleep during the day?

that's the only puzzling thing for me.

I'm not good on grammar so I can't comment on that.

if you do ammendments and I don't comment, please send one of thos pm things and let me know. thanks

Thank you. Actually, I do have some more of the story written.. just not.. prefected because of school work and BLEH. But uuhh, the secret is actually to do with the the vampire she meets in the house. I know I have a lot of work left to do on it. =) Thanks for commenting though. XD.
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PostSubject: Re: Poor thing never hasn't got a title.. o.O   September 3rd 2008, 4:35 pm

look forward to more then.... if by anychance I miss it, just give me a nodge.
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PostSubject: Re: Poor thing never hasn't got a title.. o.O   September 6th 2008, 2:38 am

Yes I was waiting for the 'secret' as well, but couldn't find it. You said that there is more to the story, so I'm sure we will find it out in there.

I agree with Terish that it is nothing special. The woman doesn't have a name and the place isn't described well. I couldn't picture it.

Give us some more details, describe the place and especially the woman and the vampire. It is a good start, but would be great with some re-work.

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PostSubject: Re: Poor thing never hasn't got a title.. o.O   September 9th 2008, 7:39 am

It was a piece of writing, with a good choice of vocabulary, figurative speech and virtually no mistakes. But that's it. It has no purpose, no story and well, no reason for someone to read it. So, like TerishD said, get this scaffold some cement and bricks.

As for some kinks on the surface:

Quote :
dying mothers mouth
mother's mouth. We got only one.

Quote :
it could only have been described as indescribable.
Erm...nice punchline n' all, but it ain't suiting the gig.

Looking forward to positive improvement.
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PostSubject: Re: Poor thing never hasn't got a title.. o.O   September 10th 2008, 1:06 pm

x_paramore wrote:

She stopped at the end of the large hallway, and found herself standing underneath a door that captured perfectly the power of what lay within the room, which it guarded faithfully. The whole house seemed to be screaming out to her.

You're certainly on the right track here, but try to use stronger words. Eliminate the word "seemed" and make a powerful statement. Leave no doubt as to what your character is seeing and feeling.

Just my 2...=)
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