Just trying to get feedback.. All I live for is writing. Expressing myself. So, tell me what you think it will help me out alot!
Posting a few. even ones I hate.
Are We Worth This?
I'm worn the fuck out
Mentally and physically,
Stressin' over things no one knows about,
Taking all these drugs, don't know what to eat,
Nothin' appeals to me,
Used to see things brightly,
Now they're just there.
But I've said all this shit
A million fucking times, no one cares.
They were never there.
Even if they were there for me,
They never walked the path set for me,
No one will understand this ever,
Except for me.
Anyways, stuck still.
Parents basement, thinkin to myself,
about how fast shit is changin'.
All I ever do
is look back to my past,
like I think I can change it,
Tryin' so hard to remain static, complacent.
My mind has changed so much
I wonder all the time
If anyone outside can recognize the replacement
This shell changing with the thoughts that direct this,
A new skin, a new impression,
A new mirror keepin' all the people guessin'...
...Calling into question
What really stresses him?
What's behind those eyes?
What's inside, that I don't like?
What's inside, that is like what I'm like?
People think they are alone
The only ones who go,
Through this dialouge in their own minds,
But we all do it,
Burnin down every bridge before we even come to it,
Underestimating the power of our thoughts
Mine are changing me so by default,
Their changing what you thought.
Don't ask me what kind of place this is
I don't understand the rules and
I don't know the laws
So between me and you,
I'm just as lost.
Forgot everything I knew, climbin over walls
Trhought it was all true,
But now I don't know cause,
of what I've gone through, and saw,
Guess you would think it wouldn't change much,
But I'm livin' in a different world
from the one where I grew up.
So detatched from this popular society,
Feel like just walkin' down the street,
Strangers can see it in me,
Even thought I'll be in nice clothes,
They recognize places they'd never go
Unfamiliar vibes surrounding them consciously,
Manipulation at it's finest,
A seed of fear in unfamiliarity,
Grows into a fucking forest
when acknowledged, takin' their power,
Givin' it to me,
Prolonging their ignorace,
allowing fear and assumptions to persist,
Want some real friends,
Go and start our own world of bullshit,
Things to die for,
so when we die it will be worth it,
so when we're alive we won't be worthless,
so we can live not having to ask ourselves,
Are We Worth This?
I just want to bring people into my head
Show them how it feels to think
that you're already dead
No activity, No ambitions
Observing my conditions
Everyone else thinking "what's wrong with him"
What happened with this kid
So eager to pick a label
out of a jar with no lid
overflowing with judgments
to justify and make simple
their own perspective of what 'is'
In my head I emptied that bitch
saw everything for what it was
And still no one takes me serious
But if I could invite em into my mind
I'd introduce em to a whole new world of "what if's"
Sometimes I wonder how I'm still alive
-carrying around all this
Life isn't what it used to be
why did my mind do what it did to me
All because I tried to see clearly
Always feeling the need to have truth near me
So when I lost it all and it all got confusing
All I Knew was something was missing
Remembering the old me,
Never fucking caring
him with me,
plagued with anxiety
never knowin what to think
fuckin up when I speak
Tripping over too many thoughts
Thinking of the best ways to come off
so no one sees inside of me and gets pissed off
Can't be real in this fuckin society
Before I got here I was well off
Can't stand this artificial life
this artificial shell, I got caught
Trapped in their fucking net
Born into this fucking mess
Failed to pull through understanding it all
Fell apart and watched sanity fall...
like curtains on a stage
revealing the works of the play
And if life is really a stage,
like they say,
Then I really got a lot of shit I don't want to say.
I hate being all alone,
Every sound is terrifying
Especially now that I'm stoned
I'm not paranoid because of the substance
I am terrified about pissing off people
who don't understand shit
I want to calm down
I've been up all day and I want to come down
Can't talk about it with anyone not involved around
They just dont understand,
I guess this is my problem, I haven't found my crowd
I got a best friend to get high with
And others that have held me down,
But when I talk about the world,
They talk about town.
Then they look at me in conversation
Wondering why the shit I say is so profound
It isn't a fucking competent limit holding you back
It's the way you were raised and taught to act
this shit is getting old, driving me insane
Not in the good way, I guess I can't explain
I just wish I could relate to one fucking person
And I know their not all the same
But there's only a select few that even seem to be worth it
And being so judgmental makes me sick
But I feel like I have to be, everything I've seen
I guess if people were like books,
I judge covers to find out who's real or a fictional prick
Got everything going for you but don't know shit, look,
This must be why I'm all alone,
I am a fucking dick.
Am I an Idealist?
Am I an Idealist?
Lost on the battle field
Between this and that
It's all fucking relative
Thats who I am.
Relatable in a world
Where you can't relate to your own relatives
I'm nothing anymore
I grew up trying to be
a piece of someones dream,
woke them up , now I'm stuck
in a world of what everyone else see's
Plastic varieties, artificial mass produced commodities
Forced to propose a solution among speaking of
these fucking tragedies
When my only solution is to just 'Be'
But it won't work in our reality
So am I supposed to seek artificial help
to fix artificial problems because we've broke ourselves?
That's fucked up, but it's probably true
I've got perspective of many points of view
By being nothing I feel like I can be everything
Does that feeling sound familiar to you?
I have ideas that hold authenticity
Empirical meaning, Truth's we need to see
and witness first hand,
to be able to understand.
So I live my life accordingly...
Guided more by ideals than practical considerations
Because practical is why nothing changes throughout generations
Practically considering what you have never considered about This
While I'm talking to you about how what I'm going through
has nothing to do with, That
How the fuck do I bridge the gap?
Bring you in to where I'm at...
Maybe I am an idealist,
trying to help change perspective,
make it easier to see the spaces between white and black.
"It's Getting Worse"
The tension consumes my entire attention
Try to trick myself out of the entrapment
of my own perception
Lookin' through the doors
Recognizing my intention
So subject to change
I often question my direction
Is anything possible?
Environment so hostile
Pieces of paper deciding fates
Regardless of natural traits
Evolution has ceased in the name of greed
WE have lost our way and refuse to change
Clinging to everything they taught us to need
The pain worsens
Why don't I just bleed
It couldn't be worse than
everything I see.
If you read all of that, you are an amazing person. Thank you, and thanks in advance for any feedback.