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For this month's writing prompt write a scene using the following sentence to start;

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 EF for short (probably parent guidance)

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Number of posts : 198
Age : 53
Location : Valencia, Spain
Registration date : 2008-08-19

PostSubject: EF for short (probably parent guidance)   September 2nd 2008, 8:53 am

after paying attention to what TerishD has to say, I've had a couple of editing and fattening trips to this story and let’s see if this time I’m more on the right path…

EF for short
By Alexandra Riera
© 2008 Alexandra Riera

Constance was used to having children but that one took longer to deliver, “Fuck!” she cried as she tried to push the child out of her womb. Denzil, her husband, a dark skinned man with wavy hair happened to be in the house at the time and with a bottle of cheap wine in his hand peeped between his wife’s legs to see what all the fuss was about.

“Hurghk” He said as he backed off in disgust, he brought the bottle to his lips and took a long swig from it. “What are we going to call it?”

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” Constance kept repeating in between breaths. In one last push the baby came out, the umbilical cord was dangling between the legs.

Denzil saw the umbilical cord dangling and was happy. “It’s a boy!” he cried and then went out to celebrate.

Constance cut the umbilical cord and wrapped the baby in a blanket; she didn’t even bother to clean the baby or inspect to see if all the fingers and toes were there as most mummies do. She knew that all her babies always came out alright. So it was a boy, she thought to herself, and so what? It didn’t really matter; it was just one more mouth to feed. Fuck; she’d call the baby Fuck, F for short, just to remind herself to keep away from Denzil as all he seemed able to do was drink and fuck. She passed the baby onto one of her children that had come into the room to have a look and turned around and fell asleep on her dirty bed.

EF was looked after by the siblings and was treated as the youngest boy in the family, hardly ever looked after and always left to fend for himself as everyone was always busy doing something of their own. EF grew up to be the toughest little boy in the neighbourhood; he got into all sorts of fights, mostly over a bit of bread or some other scrap of food and always won. As he grew up into a handsome youth, he found himself being chased by all the girls in the neighbourhood not only for his looks but for his money. EF had set up a group of some sorts where other youths stole for him, so he ended up not having to steal himself and getting all the profit. He had left his mother’s house by then and was living on his own by the beach. He would have liked his mother to have come and seen him at his house but his mother had never bothered to come or enquire after him, she had taken up drinking, just like his father so it had to been up to him to look after his brothers and sisters, the troop, as he called them. He sent them money and made sure they were alright but he carried on living by himself, he preferred the quietness. It seemed to EF that he should have been grateful enough just for the fact that he was alive.

EF had filled his house with cats as a reminder that having too many children was not a good idea. He really had no intention of fathering any children himself, not after the life he had led and besides, EF had never really been involved with girls; he had always had a problem with that, he knew he was a little different from the rest of the boys and it bothered him. He liked girls and longed to touch them but he also liked boys as he admired their forcefulness so he never bothered with playing around until one day he found himself extra fond of a girl called Cindy. Cindy was as tall as him, and very pretty. They had met at a traffic light, he had grabbed her arm and pulled her back as she had been about to cross the road as a motorbike was about to run her over; she had been looking at him instead of the road.

They had been seeing each other for a while and one night, when Cindy had come over to his house things got a little bit out of hand, EF touched the girl for the fist time and was delighted as it aroused him in a way he had never felt before. He had always imagined that the first time would be slow, sensuous and very romantic but it was nothing like that as he found himself tearing Cindy’s t-shirt off her so that he could cup her breasts and bite them. Cindy helped by pulling the t-shirt over her head and undoing her bra. She guided his mouth to her breasts. “Oh, EF, Oh.. I love you.” She moaned in delight. When she managed to take his trousers off him she suddenly went very still. EF looked at her.

“What’s wrong?” he asked her. “I know I’m not perfect but I didn’t think it would matter.”

“Nothing wrong EF, it’s just that… it’s just that….”

“That what?” he asked her as he played with her nipple to see if that way he could restore things.

“It’s just that you’re a girl, EF.”

“What?” asked EF in shock. He had always known there was something wrong with him but he had never suspected he was a girl; he had always been treated as a boy and told he was a boy. The reason he had never played with girls before was because he knew he didn’t have that thing that men had dangling between their legs and he had always felt that having that bit missing was like having an arm missing, it made him different and he didn’t want people laughing at him. Well, that was why he never had a piss in front of other people. Now that EF thought about it, he had never seen a girl completely naked, he had never seen a girl’s lower parts. “Hang on, Cindy,” he said as an idea occurred to him, “please take all your clothes off.”

Cindy took her clothes off and when she did, EF took his clothes off too. They were exactly the same except that his breasts were tiny.

“You’ve got lovely tiny breasts” Cindy told him as she stroked one of them with the tip of her nail.

“Do you like them?” EF asked her confused.

Cindy didn’t answer; she went to his mouth and kissed him. “You feel good EF,” she told him as one hand went between EF’s legs.

“Cindy?” he suddenly said.

“Yes?” she asked while she pushed him down onto the sofa.

“… But you’re a girl!”


The end
(1115 Words)
© 2008 Alexandra Riera
August 31st - 2008
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Age : 58
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PostSubject: Reply   September 2nd 2008, 3:06 pm

I caught the ending.
alexandra wrote:
Denzil saw the umbilical cord dangling and was happy. “It’s a boy!” he cried and then went out to celebrate.
As someone that was present for the birth of all three of my children, I noticed the reference that somebody made a mistake. Still, there are enough differences to make the reality of the story very questionable. The fact that the tale stays short allows the simple rational logic to hold long enough for an honest response.

I thought it was a cute tale. Even though I caught the ending, the tale did not give me a chance to stop. I thus continued to read until the finale. Enjoyed it.

Fantasy puts more requirements on the writer than any other fiction, because the world must be made as real before anything else can be real.
Adult Christian fiction quite different than all the usual lame stuff in that market.  "Dilemma of Dreams" now in hard back.
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Number of posts : 198
Age : 53
Location : Valencia, Spain
Registration date : 2008-08-19

PostSubject: Re: EF for short (probably parent guidance)   September 2nd 2008, 4:33 pm

great! thanks again for comments..

that means I get a 5 out of 10 then if I'm reading this right.... I barely passed hahahahah If I got this wrong, don't worry; today I just seem to be extremely dim and thick for some reason, must be the end of the holidays and the back to the real world syndrome

I've got another one ready that I did today but I'll give you a break, I'm thinking about the monthly challenge thing now...

thanks again TerishD.
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PostSubject: Re: EF for short (probably parent guidance)   September 3rd 2008, 1:23 pm

Wow, this story is full of shock value. I like the ending, he finds out he's really a girl but doesn't care, very nice.
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PostSubject: Re: EF for short (probably parent guidance)   September 3rd 2008, 3:39 pm

I like the story and the ending as well. I don't know what the 'E' stands for in 'EF'. I must have missed that.

Other then that there is one more question I'm interested in: Why did you pick that subject? When I first read it, it reminded me of transexuality what in my opinion actually a pretty interesting subject is. But since he didn't care about being a girl or a boy, it couldn't be. But I thought I just ask you.

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Number of posts : 198
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Location : Valencia, Spain
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PostSubject: Re: EF for short (probably parent guidance)   September 3rd 2008, 4:29 pm

Thanks Poet for comment, I’m glad you liked the story. Great!

Snacker. Gosh, why did I pick the subject? I don’t know, see.. the way I do stories is… I get a picture, then I either think of something if the picture gives me a story or I just write whatever comes to my mind and shape it into a story and then try to fit the picture in the story as best as I can. My stories have a funny way of developing, I start them but then they carry on almost by themselves, I just do the typing hahaha. Sometimes it’s a comment that someone has made or I’ve made that triggers a story.

As for the EF thing, perhaps it should have just stuck with the “ F ” letter but somehow I found it so small that I added the “ E ” before it to make it bigger. How would you pronounce “EF”? It’s supposed to sound like the letter “F” so any help on that sound thing would be very useful.

As for the transexuality, he’s not both, he’s a girl who always thought he was a boy with that vital thing that boys have missing, he thought he was weird. Perhaps I should have set the story in the year 1200 or something like that where there were no TVs and no playboy magazines. Not everybody watches tv anyway. I certainly watch very little of it.

thank you very much for commenting Snacker.

Very Happy
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