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Look Back

When not able to write ahead, it helps to look back. In my case I had written a paragraph ahead of the story. What I needed to do was add a section of exposition (talking) presenting some facts. In going back, I realized that I could insert a section where a 'tour' of the surroundings could be done. This allowed for character interaction, story development, and other things that enabled me to present the facts in an entertaining manner.

One should not face a writer's block with the mentality of bursting through it. I have found in my own experience that a writer's block is usually due to my mind indicating that it has a problem in 'channeling' the story. One reason might be a re-imagining of certain story points. Another reason however is that there is a problem in where you are at in the story, so you need to look back and find out the problem with the 'journey' that prevents the tale from advancing.

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 Nightmare

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Kellycakes


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PostSubject: Nightmare   September 5th 2008, 6:24 pm

March 14, 2004 at 4:30 in the evening Grace sat at her computer. Her story is about a girl her own age aspiring to become a great author. She’s been struggling for weeks but now her thoughts and ideas were starting to spew forth like hot molten lava from a volcano erupting. She can’t type fast enough, her hands shaking noticeably upon the keyboard. She smiled broadly listening to her fingertips pounding the keys. Suddenly, off the computer screen come what seems like a flash of lightening, knocking her back off her seat. Her world goes black. After what seems like an eternity she stumbles to her feet. “What the hell happened?” she questions the empty room.

Still feeling woozy she decides to take a break, going to the kitchen for a glass of water. She giggles realizing how funny it is that her apartment looks the same as the one in her story. She glances from her glass to the clock. “10 o’clock. Wow it’s late! I must have gotten a lot of work done.” She sets down her glass, walks back to her computer to read and edit her work.

“What’s going on?” she yells jumping up for the desk. She sits back down unable to take her eyes off the screen. “Is this some kind of joke?” She asks out loud. There looking back at her from the computer screen is an exact image of herself.

“Hello Grace,” says the girl on the screen. Again Grace stumbles to her feet. “Are you surprised to see me Grace?” questions Reagan, the character named in her story. “I thought I’d give this wonderful life a try since you make it sound like so much fun.” Reagan parades an evil grin.

“What are you talking about?” Grace asks in shock her mouth hanging wide open.

“Well everything that happens to you, you write down on this thing. So I decided to eliminate the middleman, you! I need to enjoy the rest of my life by writing my own story.”

Still in shock Grace sits back down at her computer and starts to type. (Reagan trips and falls down the stairs while walking to the bathroom in her restless sleep.) One by one the letters disappeared for the screen. Reagan, a smirk on her face, uses one finger pushing the delete key. Her eyes never leaving Grace’s. She say’s, “maybe you don’t understand Grace, if I die, you die, so don’t make any mistakes.” Reagan flips off the computer and Grace’s screen goes black.

“This is some kind of joke,” she says again. Some silly little pathetic prank to scare her. She just sits there stunned, tears flowing unnoticeably, not knowing what to do. She tries to mess around with the computer but nothing seems to work. Nothing! Just a totally black computer screen staring back at her. Grace lays down on the couch crying until she realized there were no more tears just noise.

There was no one for her to call. Her parents died four months ago in a car accident. The only other person she had was Spencer. Spencer would know what to do, she thought to herself. Grace made a mad dash for the phone when the screen flickered back to life.

“Well, who are you calling?” asks Reagan. “How about I leave the screen on so you can see who’s visiting me!” The doorbell rings coincidently. “Who could that be?” Reagan gasped looking excited. “It must be my boyfriend Spencer.” Reagan answers the door, and kisses him hello.

“Please help me Spencer,” Grace cries out looking through the screen. Reagan turns and walks back towards the computer. “He can’t hear you Grace, no one can help you. All you have is me.” Hearing Reagan’s mean words Grace breaks down sobbing, tosses an afghan over the computer and leaves the room.

In her bedroom Grace lays down and finds herself in a fitful sleep. She wakes up screaming and sobbing more than once. This time when she woke up she walked into the living room just to see if it was all real. There sat her computer, still covered by the afghan her mother gave her as a Christmas present a few years ago. The tears return to her eyes now burning them with fatigue. She’s realizes that what happened earlier was Reagan’s attempt to kill her. Over and over Grace’s nightmare of Reagan jumping out of the screen trying to choke her to death kept her awake most of the night. When finally she did get back to sleep she was awakened by the ringing doorbell. She looked around, worn-out and tired, not wanting to get out of bed, but thought that the person at the door could be the answer to her prayer. She rose form bed to find Spencer at the door. She broke into tears and collapsed into his arms.

“What’s wrong?” he asks concerned.

“I had the worst night Spencer, I need you,” Graces says as she continues to sob on his shoulder.

“What are you talking about Grace? I just left for 20 minutes. What could have happened since then?” Grace’s sobs got louder with each of his words. “What’s wrong?” Spencer was confused. She backs away her blubber stopping just as quickly as they began.

“You’ve been here all night? That can’t be. I saw you with her!” Graces whimpering voice angers him.

“What the hell are you talking about, I’ve been with you Grace, no one else! Tell me what’s wrong! What did I do?” His voice was loud.

“The character of my story, Reagan, has taken over my life and you were with her last night.”

“You are crazy Gracie. I’ve been here all night with you. Are you trying to tell me a fictional character just jumped out of the computer screen into your body?” He asks jokingly.

“NO, no I’m sorry Spencer you weren’t here you were there!,” Grace said pointing toward her computer. Spencer goes over to the computer and snatches off the afghan. There was Reagan smirking as she watches the blood drain from their faces.

“Hi guys! How are we this fine morning?”

“What the hell is this Grace? This is not funny.”

“Well Spencer my name is Grace, oh, I mean Reagan, but I could be Grace. I was Grace last night.” Reagan said mockingly with laughter in her voice.

“I told you!” Grace yells. “This is Reagan, the character in my story. Yesterday when I was working she sent something through the screen. When I woke up she was there, taking over my life.”

“Just turn off the computer,” Spencer said walking over and unplugging the power. The screen made a sound as if it were going off but Reagan still sat there staring back at them.

“See what you guys don’t understand is the only person who can end this is me. Last night I had a great time just sitting and talking with you Spencer but you are a bit boring. No man is going to sit up all night with a beautiful woman like me, and just talk. So I sent you out for coffee. Grace dear, you can have him.”

Grace sits down at the computer. “Listen Reagan, you are my creation. That means I made you. I will find a way to kill you. I am the writer!” Grace states sympathetically even though she’s not sure she would be able to carry out her threat.

“Okay, creator, great writer, try typing on that keyboard of yours and I’ll show you how original you really are. See this delete button,” Reagan says holding the keyboard up towards the screen. “The whole keyboard works on my side too and I can be the writer, and write your story my way!”

“Spencer what are we going to do, she’s crazy.” He looks at Grace dumbfounded and unbelieving.

“Well there is not much you can do about it Grace, the great writer. Just live your life knowing I’m here writing it.” Smirks Reagan.

“SHUT UP! Shut up!,” Grace yells at the screen. With rage in her eyes, Reagan reaches through the screen and grabs Grace by the neck. As Reagan tightens her grip she yells, “You will never be able to shut me up. Do you hear me? NEVER!” Grace tries to yell out at Spencer who just stands there as if frozen by fear. Coming out of his temporary coma Spencer moves toward them. Unable to breathe Grace looks over at him. Spencer lets out a high-pitched scream.

Grace wakes up and staggers to her feet. “What the hell was that?” she questions the empty apartment. Grabbing her neck in a panic, she realizes it was all just a dream; well a nightmare is more like it. She picks up her chair, turns off the computer. Lying down on the couch she smiles realizing her nightmare would be the perfect ending to her story. She falls asleep quickly, but awakens to Reagan’s voice, “Hello Grace.” Looking at the clock Grace sees it’s only 5:30 in the evening of March 14th, 2004!

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PostSubject: Re: Nightmare   September 5th 2008, 6:38 pm

I think we've all done battle with a character from time to time, but you've taken it to a whole different level here.

I'd be interested to know how or if Grace gets herself out of this situation.
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PostSubject: Reply   September 5th 2008, 10:32 pm

What? Okay, some simple rules -

1) Clear perspective. This is a strange one from me, as I like a floating point of view, but while writing you still need to clearly let the reader know from which vantage point he is looking. I found myself confused at times.

2) Clear narrative. You mention that Grace was writing fast, but that was no reason to rush your readers through the story. Everything moved so quickly that I never felt certain what was going on, so came to an ending rathered dazzled. You needed to slow the pace of the tale to have your reader understand the confusion in Grace, instead you had me confused.

3) Clear plot. You know, the only one that did anything rational was Spencer. Reagan, supposedly a duplicate of Grace, reached through a computer monitor (although Grace can't), shocked/moved Grace (how strong is she?), and had enough mental fortitude to call Spencer (and Grace lies around and whines). No explanation is given. I thought it cute that the fictional character felt that reality was better than her life, when most writers tell stories much more fantastic than reality (Grace must write really dark fiction). Still, some core plot would have helped.

Truthfully, I believe most writers would love to change places with characters in their stories, so this tale did have a slightly different slant than usual (that is a plus). The style of story that Grace supposedly wrote, a duplicate of her life, did not support the fictional character knowing how to pierce dimensional boundaries -- unless Grace is a theoretical physicist (which I doubt she is, so this is a minus). The fact that you do not present Grace as being capable of moving about and taking advantage of the fictional world is a minus, because since the fictional world was of her making she should have known MUCH about it -- and the fact that Reagan DID know about reality was VERY confusing (and another minus).

Overall, this proposal is a good idea poorly developed. You need to ask yourself a lot about who Grace is, what she wrote about, and how Reagan would be able to do what she does. Spencer was a good idea, but you need to establish his role as either a firm foundation for reality (which is basically what he does at present), a rescuing hero, a stooge for the two ladies to fight over, or a sounding board for reasonable thought with each lady.

Don't give up on what you have written, but take some time to be responsible and give it some quality. There is potential here, and you greatest fault could be letting it fizzle away.

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PostSubject: Re: Nightmare   September 6th 2008, 2:18 am

Different. I'm not used to read things like that from you. Like Terish said already, it goes real fast in some places. It feels like you had all those ideas in your head and you wanted to put them down as soon as possible so you wouldn't forget . The reader can feel that; Or at least I could.

I got confused in some parts as well. Didn't know from what perspective exactly you are writing about.

Kellycakes wrote:
She’s been struggling for weeks but now her thoughts and ideas were starting to spew forth like hot molten lava from a volcano erupting.

I really like that sentence. Very nicely described!

Go over the story again, give more details to the reader, details about Grace as well as Spencer. I'm looking forward to reading it more detailed, and I'm curious how everything's gonna end.

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PostSubject: Re: Nightmare   September 8th 2008, 2:44 am

I made a mistake, I read the comments above mine after reading the story so I had to read the story again later (now) so that I could give you an opinion without being affected by the other opinions.

the story is weird, and that's why I like it. It is a bit confusing at times as I couldn't figure out whethear Reagan was inside or outside the computer but I had no trouble following the story.
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PostSubject: Re: Nightmare   September 9th 2008, 7:54 am

It had a bad format, the dialogues placed haphazardly with missing commas, extra apostrophes and well, bad pace. The idea is cool, but like TerishD said (I say that a lot, don't I? :P) it needs to have a little balance in pace and characters. Best wishes.
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PostSubject: Re: Nightmare   September 9th 2008, 5:46 pm

Here is what I set out to do.

I wanted to write a story; my main character (Grace) has been struggling from writer's block. On this particular day she sat down at her computer to write. Everything was going well; she's writing, producing her story, her thoughts were flowing and she was excited about all of this. Suddenly something happens (The lightening flash from the computer as if it explodes) and she finds herself in somewhat of a parallel world where her character literally comes to life and tries to switch places. Although her character is similar to her Grace finds herself unable to believe let alone fight back with her character.

I understand that I have to make the story a bit clearer. Which screen are the readers looking through at each point in the story. What I've gathered from your critiques is that I need to build more character (Grace) as well as make the point of view clearer?

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PostSubject: Re: Nightmare   September 9th 2008, 6:12 pm

Kellycakes wrote:
I understand that I have to make the story a bit clearer. Which screen are the readers looking through at each point in the story. What I've gathered from your critiques is that I need to build more character (Grace) as well as make the point of view clearer?
Was that last part a question? How about you answer that question? Do YOU, Kellycakes, like the way the story flowed and how each scene is presented?

That question gets to my private gripe: Have YOU, Kellycakes, read your own story?

If you can honestly say that you read it, and like it (ie. you read it again often), that opens up a much broader set of questions (how much are you willng to give up to make it of publishable quality?). If you don't, stop everything right there and get to work making it something that you do like. We offered our opinions and suggestions, but in the end it is up to YOU, Kellycakes, to determine the future of this story. I believe that it is a story worth your effort, but the final decision is yours.

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PostSubject: Re: Nightmare   September 9th 2008, 7:19 pm

I have read the story and very much appreciate your critique. I am in the process of rewriting and wanted a little advice as to how to go about it. I can start over or I can rebuild which you have answered for me. (I believe that it is a story worth your effort.) Sometimes a story isn't worth the effort, if you know what I mean.

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PostSubject: Reply   September 9th 2008, 8:24 pm

Kewl!

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PostSubject: Re: Nightmare   September 14th 2008, 11:30 am

Draft 2: I enjoyed reworking the story however I feel its lost its intensity.

The grammar is again an issue but I would like to work on the content quality and then worry about the grammatical errors.

In the first draft the comment that Grace was weak and whiny bothered me because I didn't expect it to be perceived that way. I'm sure in this one that was corrected as I rebuilt her character.

Reagan is still the same bitch of a nuisance.

Spencer however doesn't come through as he did in the first draft.

I've added a little detail, and more can be added later.



It is mid spring. The leaves began to fall, dancing slowly and gracefully towards the earth. The wind is slightly erect leaving chill bumps across her skin as she sits at her computer. This is her favorite season, the time of year when the wind would breeze through the open windows and scatter things about as if they were unimportant. Grace Charity was born and grew up in Michigan spending large amounts of time in those early years reading fiction, fairy tales and myths. Her mother was an amateur novelist herself but did nothing to encourage her daughter's success. Her father was the breadwinner like so many households during the 70's. He'd wanted nothing but the best for her and if that was being a writer, then a writer she should be. Now at 30, Grace wanted nothing more to go back when she didn't have a care in the world, or a bill to pay. After all the years she'd finally figured out why her mother didn't want her to be a writer. It was a very lonely career. She missed Spencer; they hadn't spoken in a week and their relationship couldn't take another day without him. On the other hand her career couldn't take any more distraction.

Her current project is much more serious then her two previous children's books. The furry rabbits and the dazzling dogs couldn't grace the pages of her latest work. There'd be no more of that; OK maybe in a few years but for now it was fiction and she was three months behind schedule. She sat there starring at the computer screen. Her thoughts were all there written on post-it notes and napkins, spread all across her desk but there were too many possibilities to choose from. She placed the countless endings in a pile and began searching through them only to come to the last one and shake her head. She made herself a glass of iced tea and returned to her computer. After rereading the last chapter she begins to write.

She wasn't surprised by what she was writing, what truly amazes her was that she was writing. She'd spent the last month going over and over the other chapters but here she was sitting in front of her computer writing like she did before her latest bout of writers block. Time was of the essence and if she was to meet her deadline she knew that if anything were to stop her now she would spend the rest of the day trying her best to get back to this spot. Her hands were shaking noticeably upon the keyboard. She smiled broadly listening to her fingertips as they came down in constant repetition. As just as suddenly as her typing started, something of a flash came off the computer screen sending her back off her seat. Everything goes dark.

A few moments later she stumbles to her feet wondering what had happened. Once back at her computer she smiled at her and Spencer's screen saver dancing across the screen. She moved the mouse to get back to work but she sees herself in the screen and backs away.

“Hello Grace,” her reflection says. “Are you surprised to see me?

Grace recognizes the voice of her character Reagan. Unlike herself Reagan's voice had a harsh undertone that gave her somewhat of a sexy and soulful voice. Grace is shocked at the image on the screen and can't find any words to describe the fear she's feeling. She walks away from the computer to compose herself; after two glasses of water she returns and the image is still there biting her fingernails seemingly waiting for something.

“Hello?” Grace says to the screen.

“Hello.”

“What's going on?” She asks.

“Well Grace, you should very well know what’s going on, I mean you've the writer.”

“I know I'm the writer, and who the hell are you?”

“You know who I am Grace. You know very well who I am.”

“Reagan?”

“Yes Grace?”

“This isn't possible, you aren't real.”

“Aren't I?”

“Can you go away now so I can get back to work?”

“I don't think so Grace. See what I've gathered from my experience is you're pretty weak. You have a lot of dreams but you aren't going after them, so I'm here to help you.”

“You can help me by leaving me alone so I can get my work done.”

“Grace tell me do you have an ending for your story?”

“Yes I do, I have many endings, what’s it to you?”

“I have an ending for you.”

“Well I don't need any help in that area thank you.”

“Maybe you don't understand our situation. You have no choices here. I am now in charge. “

Grace begins typing: Reagan trips and falls down the icy stairs. No one is around to t t t...The letters begins to disappear as Reagan is pressing the delete key with a smirk.

“Grace, Grace, Grace, like I said I'm in charge now. If I die, you die. I am you, we are one.” Reagan fed up with the drama that was unfolding she flicks the power button and the screen goes black.

The excitement that she was feeling when she started working today had faded but she was thankful for the quiet. It didn't last long when the screen flickered back to life and Reagan was there starring at her again. Her mind began searching for someone, anyone who could help her or at least help her understand what was happening. Her parents had died four months ago in a car accident and the only other person she had was Spencer. Spencer would know what to do, her eyes flashed as she made her way to the phone.

“Who are you calling?” Reagan asked.

Coincidently Reagan's doorbell rings and Grace watches intensely through the screen. She stopped dead of dialing the last number of Spencer's phone number as she seen him walking through Reagan's door. She kisses him hello and they return to the sofa adjacent to the computer desk. Grace is flabbergasted as she watches them making their way towards the bedroom. The man she talks to about spending their lives together doesn't even know whom he's sleeping with. Was she dreaming? Grace decided she'd had enough tossing an old afghan over the computer and heads to her bedroom.

After a long hot shower she laid down hoping that the memories of today would fade as her enthusiasm had done. Fitfully she wakes and fights with restless sleep over the next few hours. After tossing and turning for another few minutes she headed back into the living room only to find that all of what happen was still there. Her computer; the place where she'd written two successful novels already was still covered by the afghan her mother knitted her the Christmas before her death. Grace wanted to scream, to lash out at someone, to call Spencer and tell him to get a clue, to have her parents there to tell her 'everything is going to be just fine'. Now she didn't really know what to do, hell she didn't even know if it was seriously happening.

She was scared and confused; wishful thinking wasn't really working for her. Was the character she had created was now taking over her life? It didn't make sense. She went into her den where she kept bookcases of books and came to one on the case studies of writer's who've committed suicide. She sat and read a few of the cases and wondered if they'd gone through what she's going through now. She forced the thoughts from her mind. She looked at her first two novels centered on the fireplace mantle neatly mummified in their glass cases. Smiling she decided to get back to work. After removing the afghan from the computer she flick the screen on again and her writing software program came up after it loaded. Relieved that her nightmare was over she began reading what she had wrote earlier in the day and by the time she was finished she decided to erase it all. She started the day refreshed and ready only to feel unproductive and lonely. Writing was never this hard for her. She was now more bewildered then anything. Going through the stack of alternative endings deciding to write them all. She would decide on which one would fit when she was done and at least she would have gotten some writing done today.

Beforehand she calls Spencer, she wants to feel him. She wants to relieve that depressive loneliness that comes with their careers. Spencer Meadow is an editor for Playback, a small press music magazine. They were perfect for each other, both in the literary industry, both understanding of time constraints, both young and still at the kick off of their career. She had demanded space and he gave it to her freely even though he wanted more. She politely turned him down when he asked her to live with him. She loves Spencer there was no doubt about it in her mind but she also wanted to live on her own for a little while. She wanted to be independent and financially stable before jumping into a relationship. Spencer was only her second boyfriend, the only man she'd ever slept with. She didn't listen to her mother about her career choice but she did listen when her mother said don't just give the first man you fall in love with all of you, at least not right away. She was disappointed when she got his answering machine and after leaving a message she returned to her computer. As she began typing again Reagan appears.

“Did you miss me?” Reagan asks.

“Not really, seriously am I hallucinating?”

“Not at all dear Grace. See if you were I couldn't do this.” Reagan said just before Grace's chair fell over sending her to the floor screaming as her foot slams into the table.

“Ouch! What the hell did you do that for?” Grace begins typing: Reagan's keyboard flies up and hits her in the head. Then she watches as Reagan's keyboard does just what she typed.

“Oh you play dirty Grace. Reagan says as a small stream of blood trails down her forehead. “But this, you and I can go on forever if I want it to. Oh and your little boring ass boyfriend is in the bedroom snoring. What do you see in him?”

“You leave him alone.”

“Don't worry dear Grace, you can have him. “ Regan begins typing: Grace begins to cry. She misses Spencer and wants nothing more then for him to be with her now. She needs someone to help her figure out what exactly is going on. “See Grace, if we do what you always did when we will get the same results. Your life is boring, I'm here to make it better.”

“Shut up, my life is not boring and who the hell are you to tell me about my life. You are fiction, you are nothing but a figment of my imagination.”

“No I'm a dynamic character who you resurrected in your likeness.”

“I'm not a God, I can resurrect no one.” Grace replied clearly frustrated.

“You're right you aren't a God because if you were, I wouldn't be here, would I?”

“Why are you here?”

“That is a good question Grace, why am I here?” There conversation is interrupted by a knock on the door. Grace answers it and then breakdown in Spencer's arms.

“What's wrong?” He asks concerned.

“I've been having a rough couple days.”

“What are you talking about? I just left for 20 minutes. What could have happened since then?” For a moment Grace is confused.

“No Spencer, you were with her last night, not me.”

“What the hell are you talking about Grace?” He asks surprised by the anger in her voice.

“The girl you were with looks like me, talks like me but wasn't me. Come and I'll show you.”

“You're crazy Gracie. We shouldn't have stayed up all night, you really need some sleep.”

“No I don't need sleep, you were with her!” Grace exclaims pointing towards the computer.

“What kind of program is this?” He sits down at the desk.

“Hello!” Reagan says, smiling. Spencer jumps almost falling out of the chair.

“What the hell Gracie?”

“That is what I'm trying to tell you. Meet Reagan, she is the character of my new novel.”

“Characters don't stare at you or talk. Are you making a movie?” Grace sighs.

“No she thinks she's going to take over my life. How you were with her last night I don't really know, but I do know you weren't with me.”

“Bullshit Gracie. Just unplug the damn thing.” Spencer walks over and unplugs the computer, it makes a small beeping sound as if it shut off but Reagan is still there smiling.

“See what you two don't understand is I'm in charge now.” Reagan states.

“What are we going to do Spencer?”

“I'm still not sure what’s going on”

“Oh the tragedy of it all.” Reagan mocks raising her hand to her forehead. “Its simple, I'm a character of a story that you created in your likeness. I'm here to give your boring life a little flavor. You are dull and to be honest I think I'm more beautiful.”

“You are my creation, I made you, and I’ll delete you.” Grace yells.

“There is only one way to delete me and that is to erase the entire story. Creator, oh great writer the keyboard works on my side too. What are you going to do?” Spencer watches both ladies dumbfounded.

“SHUT UP!” Grace yells at the screen.

“You'll never be able to shut me up! Do you hear me? NEVER!”

“Oh I'll shut you up alright!” Grace runs to the front room closet and retrieves a baseball bat, screaming with rage she violently swings at the monitor sending shards glass and plastic everywhere. Spencer who is just standing there witnessing the commotion lets out a high-pitched scream.

Grace smiles as she types the next two words. Her writer's block had certainly passed leaving her with the perfect ending. The End.

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TerishD


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PostSubject: Reply   September 14th 2008, 12:28 pm

Kellycakes, let me take apart that first paragraph -

'It is mid spring' First, why is this important? Second, it is present tense. Third, okay, such is the topic of the paragraph.

'The leaves began to fall,' Uh, I thought it was spring, not autumn.

By the way, it should be TOWARD. I never knew that this was an issue (yep, I did it as well), but a teacher at my school brought it up. TOWARD is a preposition, not a verb. You thus do not alter it according to singular/plural rules. The things you learn.

By the way, good transition to Grace. Makes the season important - and it should be, as such is the topic of the paragraph.

The paragraph ends with a mention of Spencer and Grace's career with NO mention of the season, which is the topic of the paragraph.

Thus, major problems -
A) Present/Past tense. PAST TENSE!
B) Wandering thought
C) Paragraph topic not consistent.

Most of these issues continue through the rewrite. The conversations are handled well, but again some problems -
1) Where is Spencer? He is supposedly sleeping in the bedroom, but knocks on the door.
'There conversation is interrupted by a knock on the door. Grace answers it and then breakdown in Spencer's arms.'
A) THEIR
B) PRESENT TENSE (Again)
C) BROKE DOWN (breaks down) - breakdown is actually a noun

2) A couple of times you have one person speak, then mention the name action of another.
'“Characters don't stare at you or talk. Are you making a movie?” Grace sighs.'
It was Spencer that spoke.

As for the plot, it came across as an old episode of Bewitched with an argument between Samantha and Sabrina over living with regular humans and marrying Darren. In the first draft you had Reagan as more of a substantial threat, but in this one she stays in the screen and loses some of her 'presence.' This version is more 'sensible,' but its step in the direction of reality loses its mystique, horror, and intensity. See if you can move back towards your first draft, but make that unreality more tangible.

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PostSubject: Re: Nightmare   September 14th 2008, 1:59 pm

hi there kelly cakes...

here is my contribution if it helps... if it doesn't, please don't hit your screen, just ignore it!




First paragraph, well I know spencer is her boyfriend because I read it before but if I had started from fresh, I wouldn’t know if spencer was her boyfriend, husband, child who was away in boarding school…… perhaps we need to know if she lives by herself of if she lives with her mum, right now, it seems she lives with her mum.




You also mention her mother not encouraging her on her success; is she already successful? Or is it just me and my English gone down the drain?







“Grace, Grace, Grace, like I said I'm in charge now. If I die, you die. I am you, we are one.” Reagan fed up with the drama that was unfolding she flicks the power button and the screen goes black.”



Just an idea of mine…. Would it have been an idea giving possible endings to the Ryan Character earlier on when she was pondering about an ending for her story? Ryan obviously seems to be upset that grace might do something drastic to her. (just a thought)



“Grace smiles as she types the next two words. Her writer's block had certainly passed leaving her with the perfect ending.”



Hadn’t she just broken her computer? How can she get back onto typing?





I liked it better, it has more meat to it now.
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