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 Hurricane Philip - My Father

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Number of posts : 144
Age : 27
Location : St. Louis, Missouri
Registration date : 2008-09-09

PostSubject: Hurricane Philip - My Father   September 19th 2008, 10:19 am

Sorry I haven't been on much this week, but I've had a lot to do at school. I promise to be on more often after this.

The past two weeks we've been working on a narrative in my English class. Prewriting was last week, and the actual writing was this week. Our assignment was to Write a narrative on our scariest moment. I ran into the trouble of not remembering my scariest moment and went with one of my violent memories instead. She said it had to be ONE paragraph, so you'll note the lack of spacing and indentions. I apologize. This is my final copy, and I hope it's not as bad as I feel it is. Any critiquing would be lovely.



Hurricane Philip
A day in the life with my Bi-Polar Father

The sound of wood against wood in a furious thrust of frustration and anger could not only be heard outside, but his anger seemed emanate off of him. I watched as the neighbor kids with the connected backyard looked at him with wide eyes. They trampled away, as the bat came one last time towards the old dying willow tree. I could only hope they wouldnít have judged me on his own actions. Thatís all I could ever hope when he was in those moods.

His feet stomped into the ground, and the bat hung loosely in his hands. His form disappeared into the sheds that connected to our house. I would later come to find my fish tank broken, and many of our valuables cracked or destroyed. A dusky light was my only guide as his figured emerged from the sheds, the air was still thick with the humid Summer heat. The musty old clothes hung limp and lifeless in my arms as I leaned against the window frame and watched him. The sounding vibration of the slamming door came to my person.

My father had never been a real father to me, in fact I couldnít call him a normal person either. My father has a mental diseaseóheís Bi-polar, and because of this he was more like another temperamental child in the houseÖ a temperamental child with muscles. His mood swings we were far worse then a pregnant woman, usually going from smiled to anger, or even worse to depression. During this fiasco he was depressed, and when he gets depressed he gets the kind of angry you donít want to be around just for protection of your own bones. Donít get me wrong, my father can be the sweetest person I know, Iíve got a few of those good memories to cling on to. It goes with the saying my mother has, ďWhen heís good, heís really good, and when heís bad, heís really bad.Ē

By the time my mother made it home, we both marched down the steps to greet a very unhappy father who was still sorting clothes after having tossed boxes of them all over the basement floor. The yelling started with my mother, but my father seemed to only get more frustrated by this. Within seconds he started to pounce around in circles. His hands went for his hair, pulling and scrunching it up in that little kid-like frustration. He muttered under his breath, he seemed to be losing all control of his wits. There was little noise during thisóthe silence before the storm.

That was when he started to yell, but when my father yells itís more like a boat horn, a big booming sound. His next actions were quick, because within seconds he had grabbed our ironing board. He ran towards my mother, the anger and frustration all combining into his movement. I didnít feel anything at first, as I instinctively walked in front of my mother. My eyes were closed and all I could think was, ďWill he do it?Ē I stood there for a few stale moments, my heart pounding only to feel nothing. Nothing came at first, until my mother grabbed my hand. She pulled me through the basement and we went up the steps. The sound of clinking keys came to my ear as I followed her out the door. The smooth touch of our copper door handle came to my fingers as I shut the door behind me. I looked back out the house one last time before stumbling into the car.

I could hear his footsteps even out here as he ran out the door. His footsteps have been something that has haunted me since I was a child. It was never good to hear those footsteps, it always meant that storm was comingóHurricane Philip. The engine revved and came on, only to have my mother stare out at my dad through her temporarily opened window. I couldnít see much from where I was, but the phone was held steadily in my hand. The plastic against my shaking hands as I dialed the three numbers. I inclined my hand and noticed in terror that my father had the brick over his head, aimed at my mother. I had my thumb over the send button, when the scream came.

Iíll never forget that scream, it sends shivers down my back even now. That scream was the most unreal thing Iíve ever heard. It sounded liked it belonged in those old horror movies, for thatís exactly what that day was becoming. The beast fell back, the brick in his hand falling down towards the ground. I could see my motherís hands shaking as she quickly looked back and started backing out he car. My father yelled towards us, it was about 11pm on a school day when it all ended, and I got a taste of Hurricane Philip that I will never forget.

I donít think I ever got over that day, in fact Iíve never gotten over a lot my father did. I learned that even though my father was an adult, it didnít make him a trusted adult. Heís not someone in my life I can stay with, nor is he someone I can ever find myself to forgive. I just hope one day he makes a change for the better, so I can learn to love him again. This girl doesnít want to have to go through that storm ever again.

Last edited by Bick on September 24th 2008, 1:35 am; edited 3 times in total
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PostSubject: Reply   September 19th 2008, 9:47 pm

If it was High School, you should have gotten a good grade for doing it and putting so much into it. Simply putting it all together does not make it a single paragraph (okay, it does in appearance, but not in reality). Still, I give you credit for the effort. Let me know however when you decide to put effort into making it correct.

Fantasy puts more requirements on the writer than any other fiction, because the world must be made as real before anything else can be real.
Adult Christian fiction quite different than all the usual lame stuff in that market. †"Dilemma of Dreams" now in hard back.
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PostSubject: Re: Hurricane Philip - My Father   September 23rd 2008, 3:06 am

(I had already posted an answer to this earlier on but it dissapeared so here is my comment again.)

the word bi-polar is what drew me in.

you did a good job describing a scary moment...

and that's one long parragraph! hahahah
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Number of posts : 144
Age : 27
Location : St. Louis, Missouri
Registration date : 2008-09-09

PostSubject: Re: Hurricane Philip - My Father   September 24th 2008, 1:34 am

Quote :
Oh! Ack :p I've got to re-paragraph it! I'll get right on that... again! xD

Okay! Re-paragraphed once again!

Thank you very much Smile But yes, it was one long paragraph! Kind of scared me, actually. I was afraid of how bad my grade was going to be with it like that! It came to 3 pages with the double spacing. And... no one else had one over a page a half. Embarassed

Haven't gotten my grade back, but she said she'd work with me. I've got to learn to condense my writing... silent
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