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Monthly Writing Prompt
For this month's writing prompt write a scene using the following sentence to start;

The streets were deserted. Where was everyone? Where had they all gone?

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Look Back

When not able to write ahead, it helps to look back. In my case I had written a paragraph ahead of the story. What I needed to do was add a section of exposition (talking) presenting some facts. In going back, I realized that I could insert a section where a 'tour' of the surroundings could be done. This allowed for character interaction, story development, and other things that enabled me to present the facts in an entertaining manner.

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 Down the drain - (not for children)

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alexandra


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PostSubject: Down the drain - (not for children)   September 25th 2008, 10:32 am

Here's another one



This story might not be suitable for younglings in certain places















Down the drain

By Alexandra Riera
© 2008 Alexandra Riera


She was ready to conquer her fears, her weapons were ready, and her determination was firm. She would stop at nothing to get what she wanted. Madelaine got dressed that morning and put her leather gloves on when she finished zipping her leather jacket. She stroked the soft skin on her face with the tip of her leather glove and then grabbed the keys of her bike and left the house, the heels on her leather boots echoing her steps. She didn’t care if the roaring of her bike woke the neighbourhood up, she didn’t give a dam; she was off to get what was hers and nothing was going to stop her. She mounted her bike; then she put her open helmet on, adjusted her flying goggles and started the engine. She revved it and took pleasure in listening and feeling the engine vibrate between her legs. Then she took off.

She stopped in front of a house two blocks down her road. That was Jeremy’s house. Jeremy had been her boyfriend for the past year but had suddenly stopped being so when he suddenly decided that studying was more important than seeing her. That had happened two months earlier and up until very recently, she had accepted the fact that the relationship was over eventhough she couldn’t quite understand the why of it even he had explained to her that as he was in his final year he needed to study more and go out less. Madelaine had missed him terribly after that but most of all she missed the sex.

Madelaine dismounted her bike and went to her saddle bags, she opened one of them and took out a leather bag; then she bent down and picked up a big stone from the front of his garden. She threw the stone at the window and broke it. A light came on and Jeremy looked out of the window. Madelaine, picked up another stone and threw it at another window.

“Wow! Stop it!” Cried Jeremy, “I’m coming, I’m coming!” he shouted as he disappeared from sight.

“Yes.. You’re going to come alright, you bastard” she muttered as she went towards the door with a mixture of anger, anxiety and expectancy.

When the door opened, Madelaine had her whip ready at hand and lashed it at him as soon as he showed up. Jeremy went on his knees and kissed her boots. She bent down slightly and pulled him up by his hair, she brought his face to hers. She kissed him and bit him at the same time. Jeremy didn’t struggle; he pressed himself onto her and kissed her with the same fury.

“I’m missed you” he told her. “I’ve missed that whip of yours too,” he said with a grin. Madelaine pushed him back and then pushed him with the handle of the whip. “You’ve been a naughty boy and you deserve some spanking.” She told him playfully.

“Yes, yes.. I’ve been a very very naughty boy. I’ll just go and get the bat.”

Madelaine’s head was spinning, her thoughts were racing in her head faster than her bike; she seemed to have no control over herself. On the one hand she wanted to spank him till his buttocks were bright red and on the other hand she wanted them to make love and be together for ever and ever. She also wanted to get back at him for having left her for his studies mostly because she hadn’t been able to find the kind of sex they had together.

“No, no. You shall do no such thing. You will cook for me.” She surprised herself by saying.

“What? Now? I thought we were going to play games!” he said in shock.

“And you shall wear nothing but your hide.” She added as an afterthought.

Jeremy smiled. “I thought you’d never come back.” He told her as he went to embrace her.

“I’m not back.” She said as she backed off, “I didn’t leave you. You left me, remember? You threw me out of your life!” she said as she cracked her whip in the air in anger.

“You’re here, aren’t you?”

“And?”

“So you’re back in my life then Madelaine.”

Madelaine stood completely still for a moment. “Do you want me back Jeremy?” she asked him after a few seconds.

“Of course I want you back Madelaine.”

“You didn’t come and get me, did you? You had to wait till I came here. What if I had never come back here?” she shouted angrily. “What if I had never come? Would you have come to get me?”

“Of course I would have, darling Madelaine.” He said as he again tried to get close to her.

Madelaine cracked her whip in the air again. “No Jeremy, you wouldn’t have come to get me. I’m sorry Jeremy, no more games. I want a man, not a mouse. I don’t want to do the chasing.” And with that, Madelaine turned around and left the house. She mounted her bike, started the engine and rode off with tears in her eyes. All her thoughts, all her hopes of getting things back on the right track had just gone down the drain.




The end
(871 Words)
© 2008 Alexandra Riera
September 25th - 2008
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Urs


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PostSubject: Re: Down the drain - (not for children)   September 25th 2008, 3:53 pm

Nice in a painfully touching way.

Well written, there were some issues like the Constant mention of Leather but I suppose there was a motive for that.

Also I would like to mention this relationship seems a bit countradicting., I wa shaving a hard time getting my mind around it.

Well written and flows good to say the least. Well done.!
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TerishD


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PostSubject: Reply   September 25th 2008, 5:37 pm

Well, okay.

Sounds like my relationships. Things get tough, so I focus on sorting things out in order to achieve some success and financial security. The lady however is wanting things to stay like they were, completey ignoring what I am working to achieve (and often SHE was the one telling me to take the chance and do the work) - and LEAVES forcing me to celebrate my victory all alone. Been there twice.

Good story, but even in your tale the actions of the lady make no sense. The guy is working to gain his degree, and she is not appreciative. She deserves whatever life she gets, and Jeremy deserves his (and I hope he finds a good lady to share it with).

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Fantasy puts more requirements on the writer than any other fiction, because the world must be made as real before anything else can be real.
Adult Christian fiction quite different than all the usual lame stuff in that market.  "Dilemma of Dreams" now in hard back.
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alexandra


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PostSubject: Re: Down the drain - (not for children)   September 25th 2008, 6:00 pm

hahahah

thanks Urs and TerishD,

I was having trouble trying to decide what she wanted....so I left it a mess, more or less lifelike....that's how a lot of relationships tend to be.. wanting one thing, then getting it and not wanting it anymore... very confusing

as for the leather... I wanted her to be wearing a catwoman suit but realistically, one can't really go out into the street wearing that... there again.. why not?. perhaps I should just have her wearing a cat suit.


thanks
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PostSubject: Re: Down the drain - (not for children)   September 26th 2008, 12:34 am

Maybe a passing mention of patten leather or black leather might help...
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PostSubject: Re: Down the drain - (not for children)   September 26th 2008, 2:09 pm

I liked this.
The story was somewhat confusing though for me at least I don't understand the need for weapons and what not, I mean technically isn't she wandering the streets with weapons?
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PostSubject: Re: Down the drain - (not for children)   September 26th 2008, 3:49 pm

her weapons are seduction and lust but it looks to me as if I didn't make that clear from the start..

oops
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