|Is the phrase "Once upon a time..."|
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| 67% ||[ 2 ]|
|Total Votes : 3|
|Monthly Writing Prompt|
For this month's writing prompt write a scene using the following sentence to start;
The streets were deserted. Where was everyone? Where had they all gone?
Our monthly writing tips are written by our very own TerishD. You can read more in Terish's Blog located in "The Abstractions" area of the forum.
When not able to write ahead, it helps to look back. In my case I had written a paragraph ahead of the story. What I needed to do was add a section of exposition (talking) presenting some facts. In going back, I realized that I could insert a section where a 'tour' of the surroundings could be done. This allowed for character interaction, story development, and other things that enabled me to present the facts in an entertaining manner.
One should not face a writer's block with the mentality of bursting through it. I have found in my own experience that a writer's block is usually due to my mind indicating that it has a problem in 'channeling' the story. One reason might be a re-imagining of certain story points. Another reason however is that there is a problem in where you are at in the story, so you need to look back and find out the problem with the 'journey' that prevents the tale from advancing.
Number of posts : 24
Age : 39
Location : Lancing, Tennessee
Registration date : 2008-10-08
|Subject: Deeply Possessed October 8th 2008, 7:12 pm|| |
Sandra carved her stomach with a shard of her piggy bank as her sister looked into the mirror and put long gashes in her own face. The money found inside the bank was not more than ten dollars, but it wasn't the money they were after. They wanted the glass. They wanted to cut themselves.
An "X" was Sandra's goal, to put one so deep that it would always be there. She wanted an "X" on both her titties But Ashley wanted to hurt her face. She wanted to be ugly, and she did it by pulling the glass through her flesh and pulling it down her cheeks. She cut her forehead and thought about cutting her throat.
Neither of the girls cried while they cut, they only kept their distance and followed their own rules. They were twins by birth and they never allowed themselves to feel the pain of the world. They were shut away years before and grew to know each other. Pain to Sandra was being away from Ashley; that hurt her most. And now after the men had started coming, she wouldn't never leave her again.
But, now when the men come, they will see us cut and ugly, Sandra thought. She looked at her sister and a tear almost came to her eye. There was her beautiful sister with gashes in her face. But, it would save them. No one would want to rape them now.
At 6 o'clock in the evening, the steward came to the door and unlocked it. He halfway searched the room for the girls, but didn't see them at first. It was when they spoke that he realized what he was looking at. The girls were covered with blood and caked over like a living scab.
The steward held his composure. "My ladies, what has happened to thy appearance? I must say the Mother will be displeased."
"We did not do this for mother," Sandra answered deftly. "Did we Ashley?"
"No, we did this because we want to be ugly."
The two twins were lead down from their attic room to the spacious living room. The mother was sitting by the fireplace reading a book when the girls approached her. She looked up slowly, irritated, and saw her disfigured daughters. Sandra shirt stuck to her belly and blood soaked into her pants, and poor Ashley, her beautiful face cut, so bad the blood had soaked the shirt front and back. The cuts were so deep, Ashley's cheeks hung from the bone.
The Mother screamed. and the steward blew a whistle three times, signaling the medical team.
An hour later both girls were on beds and the blood had been removed by water and cotton. A solution of alcohol and iodine was used as an antiseptic. The Mother was informed of there condition.
"I don't know why they would have done that," the doctor started. "They have anything they need right her in the palace."
"Yet, they never leave the attic. They spend all times in there." The mother said this with tears in her eyes.
"Well, I think we should let them Convalesce in their attic, just or familiarities sake. What do you think Mother?"
"A splendid idea. " She smiled. "You are so good with the children."
He took her payment of 10 dollars a child and left.
The steward, which was the only live-in servant of the house, care for the children deeply. They were to inherit all of their Mother's money and land and stocks and even the over-seas banks she'd bought when Hitler ruined the economy. They would get it all. Yes, he loved those kids and he wanted to see them prosper.
The doctor's orders were for the kids to stay in bed and to have no excitement. Mother made sure no one got to them, those were the doctor's orders.
The first night went by in a blur for Sandra, the doctor had given her medicine and she slept, but Ashley was awake for most of the night. Her face hurt to bad to sleep. Her lips were swollen and her nose was hard to breath through. She tried to wake up Sandra, but she could talk loud enough. Finally she stood up and walked over to her bed and shook Sandra, but that didn't work either.
She sat back down on her bed and thought of the book she'd been reading. She reached under the mattress and got it. She looked at it's cover. The Necronomicon. She had read it twice and it taught her the way people are. Simple truths about the real world.
The reason she cut her face was right here. She'd rather be ugly than be a whore. She wanted to save herself for the devil, and that man who tried to take her close off was going to die. She knew that, Satan would take care of it. All she had to do was do her part.
Ashley's attention went to Sandra then and her face. There was no marks on her face. Ashley wondered about this; this wasn't the way it was done. Sandra needed her face marked to, just like Cain, a mark needs to be on her before she is fornicated. So, knowing the truth and having the power, Ashley walked over to her twin sister and cut her forehead open.
Sandra screamed when the quick lice was made. Ashley jumped on top of her and called her a hypocrite. "How could you not mark you face for the one who loves us?" Sandra fought back. "How Sandra? Don't you love him?"
Sandra climbed on top of Ashley then and held her down. "I love him plenty. But, is that Mexican dead, the one who raped me while I was walking in the garden? No, and what about father, he touches us."
"But that is different. We are of his flesh and bone." Ashley sat up and pointed to the Necronomicon. "It's right there."
"No," Sandra screamed, "that book is dangerous. Father told you not to read it. It is forbidden."
"But look at me, I'm beautiful. And the spells work. I've been trying them on you while you slept. I've memorized some of them."
Sandra pinned her sister down then and felt for a shard f the penny bank. She found one easily. Her sister screamed for a moment, then she smiled.
"I met my Master a virgin. Do it now."
Sandra plunged the shard into Ashley's neck. Blood spewed onto Sandra's night gown.
With Ashley dead, Sandra got off from her body and fixed it in a line; she put Ashley's hands on her chest and cried a bit. The little girls face looked so bad.
Sandra seen that it was all arranged and she stepped up onto the chair. Actually she had been planning this since the Mexican raped her, but now was as good a time as ever. A final fair-well to her mother and father and a special hello to whatever came next...
Light flicked on outside the house. It was a police spot light and it glared onto the front of the house, filtering through the windows and lighting most of the downstairs.
by Thadd Presley
Number of posts : 1220
Age : 57
Location : Ringgold, Louisiana
Current Mood :
Registration date : 2008-07-21
|Subject: Reply October 8th 2008, 8:16 pm|| |
Uh, yeah, okay. Just, put a warning up so children and prudes can make the decision not to read.
Fantasy puts more requirements on the writer than any other fiction, because the world must be made as real before anything else can be real.
Adult Christian fiction quite different than all the usual lame stuff in that market. "Dilemma of Dreams" now in hard back.
Number of posts : 569
Location : Corner of Insane Ave & Stupid St. in the State of Denial
Current Mood :
Registration date : 2008-09-23
|Subject: Re: Deeply Possessed October 8th 2008, 9:00 pm|| |
First off this story is told to shock and stun the readers, two young girls, suffer from rape and then cut themselves. Quite the gruesome tale.
I have just two little issues.
The first one is not really directed at this story, but just a peeve of mine in general, but as it stands I know most authors and writers and pretty much anyone seeking to tell some evil gothlic story drops in the "Book of the Dead" or "Book of the Black Earth" as the source of all evil in the world, it is just one of those things that kinda gets to me after a while. Nothing personal. I would have liked to have seen perhaps the Satanic Bible or something just to mix things up a bit.
Another thing that kinda got me was if the "steward" and "mother" cared for them so much, I would wager that they would remove the "Sharp objects" from their room, because the girls are mentally unfit (They did just slice themselves open after all) I mean seriously as a parent I would have had them strapped to the bed if not put in a nut house or sent to church for exorcism. I would have wagered that pain killers would have been used as well, perhaps some drugs to put them to sleep included, or just liquor them up a bit so they can get to rest while the local priest or Insane Asylum is contacted.
Other then that, there were a few typos and such, but nothing of note wrong.
All in all, this was a good "Flash Shock" fiction bit.
Number of posts : 198
Age : 52
Location : Valencia, Spain
Registration date : 2008-08-19
|Subject: Re: Deeply Possessed October 13th 2008, 2:58 am|| |
I liked it... but I did find the mother's attitude a bit passive considering the condition the girls were in.... I would consider that attitude an ok one if the mother was a drunk, a drug addict or something similar of if she showed severe signs of being very distraught.
I didn't spot any typos, I was too busy reading by the looks of it.
Number of posts : 334
Age : 25
Location : I'm one of the voices in your mind
Current Mood :
Registration date : 2008-09-25
|Subject: Re: Deeply Possessed October 20th 2008, 10:40 pm|| |
I like this its interesting and freaky.
Though I'm with Alexander on this one.
But other then that I like this as well. You write really good.
I want to read more of your work.
Number of posts : 84
Registration date : 2008-09-11
|Subject: Re: Deeply Possessed December 23rd 2008, 4:15 pm|| |
This gruesome little story is just perfect for October for when you posted it, unfortunately for me I'm reading it during the winter holiday season. Least to say, it pulled me down a notch so, great job.
At the same respect, I definitely feel you could have reached a little further to make it even more horrific. Sure a couple of girls who were raped, cut themselves, and worship the devil are generally terrible images, but at least for me, it's missing that big shock.
The twist wasn't twisted enough if that makes any sense. Considering how messed up the girls were, and the reasons for that behavior, the murder/suicide at the end was sort of expected.
I feel like your being modest and holding back. Don't. You're a strong writer, don't shy away from that. You mention that they use an innocent broken piggy bank to cut themselves, yet you merely state rape. You describe them being coated with blood, and the blood on their clothing, but don't really talk about the wounds. If writing about the rape and the wounds makes you uncomfortable, then it will certainly make your audience uncomfortable, and I imagine that is what you were going for, so go for it.
"She'd rather be ugly than be a whore." You have very strong and very direct writing skills. You have the skill already, I would simply urge you to use it from start to finish.
~New York Bum
|Subject: Re: Deeply Possessed || |