Heh-heh, I guess that I am coming down hard on you this time. Truthfully, I did not mean it to sound hard, but I believe that it does sound that way. Take it with a grain of salt, but hopefully it will provide some advice.
Of course, the mood is not right. You did nothing with the mood. You did not describe the setting (only in the conversation, not in mood gripping narrative), you really did not work with expressions, and the ending really does not have an impact grounding the reader to feel the impact of what has gone before.
1) Describe the setting. Come on. You failed miserably here.
2) Work with the expressions. For a piece that has a quote comment (he said, she said) in EVERY line, you really failed getting each line to resonate. I would recommend taking all that quote stuff out, keeping the words, then putting in stuff that gives each statement a presence - and allow reverberation, where you allow a response to stand alone behind another well-done statement (surely you assume that your readers are intelligent enough to know when one person stops talking that the other is speaking the next sentence).
3) End with an impact. I truthfully like your conclusion. My own belief is different/similar, although just as non-Biblical. I would re-work it to have that 'trashcan made of gold is still a trashcan' statement to finalize the piece.
I really do not know where you can go with this without completely blowing the mythos that everyone is comfortable with. I would suggest doing what I did, completely removing your story from our reality. That allows you to make similarities, but also write your own rules. I don't know, so don't be afraid of continuing to play with your story. Make it right for you.
Fantasy puts more requirements on the writer than any other fiction, because the world must be made as real before anything else can be real.
Adult Christian fiction quite different than all the usual lame stuff in that market. "Dilemma of Dreams" now in hard back.